Blogging Maren

Much Too Much

2012-01-29T21:07:00.000-07:00

I don't feel well today, it's like I'm on the verge of getting sick and I really want to do all that is possible to keep from going off this cliff. One of the things on my to do list is to get plenty of sleep, but right now there is much too much noise. My roommate is in the next room on the phone with her family and not only are the walls paper thin, but her voice really carries. I tried to turn on music to drown her out, but that just creates much too much noise to sleep. GAH! I suppose I'm just in the mood to complain. Sorry.

On a side note, as an update to my last post for those who actually read this, work is fantastic! I love the family that I work for, the schedule is fantastic (though starting early is not ideal for me), and for the first time in quite some time I feel financially stable and independent. It's such a good feeling to really enjoy where I am in life right now.

Happy New Year!

2012-01-06T15:23:00.001-07:00

I'm going to try being better about updating this, but I know that since I've said that before it's not really anything to fully count on.

The holiday season is now over, thankfully! Not that they were bad by any means, but I'm excited for life to be normal again. Or again is the wrong term? That implies that it was once normal... Whatever. A lot of things have changed in the past few weeks and next week brings a new beginning which I am very excited about.

The Tuesday before Christmas I was preparing to leave work (part time nanny) for the day when the mom started writing out my check. In my head I was thinking, "That's odd, I don't usually get paid until Friday. Oh but they are going out of town, so this makes sense." When the mom said, "So Maren, we decided that we aren't going to have anyone watch our daughter next year," I was in shock. Actually I'm quite sure that my jaw actually dropped and I stared at her wide-eyed and mouth gaping for a second or two before muttering out an "Oh, ok..." and grabbing the check on my way out. Now I'm left with unanswered questions: Was it me? Did I do something wrong? Are they just cutting back expenses?
I felt horrible and hopeless the whole way home, especially when I had to do some necessary grocery shopping. I felt like I could have just mumbled under my breath, "Don't mind me, I just lost my job and have no money but still need to eat to survive" as I walked through the store comparing the price per ounce and pound of everything I bought. When I got home I called a friend to vent and while talking to her I pulled out my computer to check my email.

I was expecting the usual email from Groupon and Boston Deals, which were both in there, but the first message in my inbox was from someone I didn't know. The subject caught my attention so I opened it to read that he was the husband of someone who had recently been in contact with me about a full-time nanny position for a friend of theirs. Things with that job didn't come to fruition, but this husband said that he has a colleague looking for a nanny. A complete calm came over me and my actual thought at that moment was, "See? When the Lord closes a door, He opens another one." I knew it was irrational, but I knew that this was going to be my job.
The email had come just minutes before so I shot him an email right away saying that I was interested and would love for him to send my contact information to his colleague as he offered to do. Again, within minutes, he replied saying that he had done such. It was such a miracle! Just hours later I had been in contact with his colleague and we were working on setting up a time to do a phone interview. Over the next few days we exchanged emails, then we had a phone interview which lasted around 35 minutes, and we set up a time to meet in person. The face to face interview went well and now with more emails being exchanged we are working out the finer details since I start work on Monday. Woot!

Life has been so stressful, but it has been so interesting to watch how things have unfolded. The reason that I'm here in Boston is still unclear, but with the experiences that I've had so far and the people that I have met I don't care why I'm here because I'm happy. My testimony has grown, I have strengthened relationships, my appreciation for my family (most especially my parents) has astronomically grown, and while there may be rough patches I am a generally happy person. This has been a wonderful experience and hopefully with this new endeavor I will be able to continue to learn and grow and thrive as I trust that the Lord has a plan for me.

We were not sent here to fail, but to act and to conquer.

UPDATE: New Location

2011-12-14T22:15:00.000-07:00

October sometime, 2011

Well, I just glanced at my last post that made me realize it has been almost exactly 3 months since I started feeling like I needed to move. Guess what? I've been in Boston for a month already! Crazy, right?! I think it's pretty insane, and I couldn't be happier about my move. Well perhaps that isn't 100% true, even though they say money doesn't bring happiness or buy love, you need money to pay rent so having a job would be nice.

My first two weeks here I was super stressed about work. (Just ask any of my four roommates, it was pretty much the only thing I ever talked about.) Then on day I finally got called in for an interview. I left the house about an hour before the interview to give myself time since the office I was going to is across town from where I live. As I was riding the T (subway) and counting the stops I realized after multiple glances at my watch that there was no way I was going to make it on time. By the time the train pulled in to my stop (the end of the line of course) it was about 20 minutes after my interview was supposed to start. I ran off the train and down the stairs to the exit while pulling up the directions from the station to the office on my phone. "It's only about a five minute walk." I start walking and trying to decipher the directions, which were not crystal clear, and have walked about 15 minutes before I decide I have gone in the wrong direction. I was so frustrated! So now I have to walk back those 15 minutes again and the original 5 from the station.

I knew there was nothing I could do but go to the office and apologize profusely for being late, thank them for their consideration of my application, and then leave the office. As I walked in the doors and introduced myself the receptionist asked questions like why I was late and why I didn't call. Very valid questions. I told her as best I could between my short breath and my almost boiling over emotions that I was new in the Boston area, lived across town, and didn't realize it would take so long. She then told me to have a seat and she would go see if a manager was available to talk to me. It took me by complete surprise! I was an hour late to the interview, and they were going to let me go in any way!? Wow! When the manager came out she was very nice and overheard parts of the conversation I was having with the receptionist about where I'm from and what I'm doing in Boston. Back in the office for the interview I lost it again and started crying, but was able to pull myself together and have what I thought was a fairly successful interview. She told me that they were interviewing about 50 candidates, but they would be done by about 2 pm that day (about an hour and a half from then) and if I heard a call then I would make it in to the second of three interviews. I thanked her for her time as I thought to myself that I would never see her again after walking out the door.

When I got home after what seemed to be the longest ride of my life because I was kicking myself for ruining such a great opportunity, my cell phone rang. It was 1:59 pm and the unthinkable happened. I was called in for a second interview! I have no idea what they saw on my resume or in me that convinced them that this girl who has the balls to show up an hour late to an interview was someone they wanted back...

I went back the next day and found out that my interview was actually a day following around a rep and watching her do her job. Her name is Amy and she was super friendly! The whole time we walked around we just got to know each other and talked about life, our backgrounds, our families, interests, hobbies, and occasionally we'd throw work related things into the mix. It was kind of funny though because it made me feel like I was on a mission, two girls walking door to door... All that was missing was the name tags and the fact that she's not LDS. By the end of the day I felt like I was on a mission again, that was definitely the most walking I've done since my mission, but we went back to the office so that I could meet with one of the supervisors again. Danielle, the supervisor, asked me a few questions on my own and then pulled Amy in to the office. She asked me a few more questions, had Amy give some feed back and then she offered me a job. Yeah, just like that! It totally caught me off guard! Before I knew it I was shaking hands with both of them and accepting the job. Hallelujah! I have work!

December 14, 2011

I suppose it's about time that I update my blog. This will be short and sweet... hopefully!

The job mentioned about lasted less than a week I think. I walked around for three days with people trying to sell Verizon FiOS, not a fun job. After I quit I wondered if it was a good idea seeing as how I didn't really have any other leads for work and I needed to make money quick. It was also hard because Amy was super nice and she actually had a bunch of questions about why I went on a mission and it just seemed like it would have been such a good missionary experience.

Not horribly long after that I got work as a (very) part time nanny and had a few other babysitting jobs so that made me not worry quite as much. I still wasn't making rent, but luckily I have amazing parents who have been helping me. About a month ago I got a job working at a tele-fundraising company close by. At first I didn't think it was going to be so bad because I've worked in call centers before... piece of cake. Or so I thought. I don't like it! We raise money mostly for political campaigns and since the way people campaign drives me nuts with all the mud-slinging and name calling it's really hard for me to coerce people to cough up the dough. (English is so strange! How does any one learn this language?!)

On a happier note, I have four of the most wonderful roommates a person could dream for! When I was still in the planning stages of moving to Boston and I heard that five girls share this house I was hesitant, but it just felt so right to do it... I think the only decision I've loved more than this was my decision to go on a mission. Honestly, they each have amazing qualities that I hope to emulate one day.

This is about where I stand right now. I was recommended for a nanny position (but it's live-in most likely:-( ) and then today one of my cousins tells me that she found me a job using Cebuano... too bad it's back in Salt Lake City. Oh the decisions!

Perhaps since I don't keep a journal I should be better about keeping this blog up to date. We'll see how things go.

I have a secret to tell...

2011-07-12T17:00:00.000-06:00

There has been something on my mind lately that I have not told very many people about. It may remain that way as well for a little while, at least until I get things a little more sorted out. Here are a few songs that have been going through my head though along with other things...

"I have a secret to tell
From my electrical well
It's a simple message and I'm leaving out the whistles and bells"

"I think I'll start a new life,
I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name,

...I think that I'm just tired

I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind.
I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset,
I hear it's nice in the Summer, some snow would be nice..."

"Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I prayed I could breakaway

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky
And I'll make a wish, take a chance, make a change...
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget all the ones that I love
I'll take a risk, take a chance, make a change..."

Long time no post

2011-06-29T01:25:00.000-06:00

It has been brought to my attention that I haven't updated my blog recently. A certain friend of mine, who shall remain anonymous, told me earlier today that she checks my blog every day on her lunch break and is disappointed to see the same old post. So here you go certain friend who is remaining nameless...

Reasons I love the unnamed friend:

(In no particular order and certainly not all reasons...)

• When I hit my head on the car door looking for a paper that blew out of the car, she just laughs at me

• We can be open with each other about poop

• When I'm having a bad day, she makes me laugh

• Even when what I say is only funny to me, she gives me a pity laugh

• She buys ice cream because it's a dollar

• We quote Kid History together

• Soldiers protect the country... what protects soldiers?

• I'm not allowed to sit on the bed because I'm dirty

These are just some of the examples that I could think of from tonight, but there are many more from other days. She is just a great friend and I love her to death. She is one good thing in my life that I hope I never have to get rid of.

This post is for you.

For the first time...

2011-04-23T21:36:00.000-06:00

I think he likes me...!

Such a Great Day!

2011-03-25T08:49:00.000-06:00

Yesterday was such a great day! I'm not sure it could have gotten to be any better. I went snowboarding with a good friend of mine, which was my first time up the mountain in about two years or more. It was AMAZING! The weather was great, though the wind was a little intense at times. We took the bus to Brighton Ski Resort and did 3 rides down the beginners hill. I was feeling way good about my skills (as good as I ever did) so we moved over to the bigger hill. That one kind of kicked my butt, literally. My tail bone is sore and I'm sure I'll really feel it tomorrow. It was so great though, I loved every minute of it!

On the bus ride up the canyon I received a phone call from a girl that wants to set up an interview with me for a job. This isn't just any job though, it's a Cebuano teaching position at the MTC! How awesome is that?! It's so awesome!! Unfortunately I didn't hear my phone so she just left a message, but she said she wants to set an appointment for next week or the week after. When I returned the phone call after I got home no one answered so I get to wait for the phone call today. Of course I posted on Facebook about this and my cousin who used to teach at the MTC told me that when she was hired, her boss told her that if you get the interview then that basically means you get the job. How cool is that? This is seriously a dream come true!

After boarding I had plans to go shopping with a friend, but I needed food so I stopped at Shivers. I'm sorry to say that I wasn't totally impressed with the sandwich I got, but it was pretty good. Mainly the food run was great because I got to talk to another friend of mine since she works there.

Finally I finished getting cleaned up and sent a text to my friend letting her know that I was ready to go shopping if she was still game. She text back that she was and that she would come pick me up in a few minutes. Well that few minutes went by and she called me to say that something came up with her sister and she needed to go take care of that, but we had an awesome conversation that helped me put some things in a different perspective about my life and the way I handle some things. She told me to stop worrying so much about the future, to live for the moment, and if things are right then they will work out. She's right, I need to stop being such a worry wart and just live my life the best I can each and every moment and trust that things will work out.

In case that wasn't enough of a lesson, the Lord decided to teach me again. Since I now had no plans for the evening I planned on going to temple square to hang out for a little bit. As I was rounding the corner to find a parking place, a friend of mine called me up. The conversation was kind of funny and went something like this:

Her: Hey, I'm sure that you are busy because this is late notice so I understand if you can't, but I just got tickets to the Jazz game and was wondering if maybe you could go or want to go. (Reader, keep in mind that this phone call came at 7:15, 15 minutes after tip off.)

Me: Well, guess where I am right now...

Her: Umm.... I don't know... (very hesitant voice)

Me: I'm down town with nothing to do!

Her: No way! That's so amazing! I can't believe it!

It was so amazing that things worked out the way they did, I couldn't believe how perfectly things worked out. But then I thought about it and realized that this was just a confirmation of what my friend had just told me on the phone, that if you do the right things then things will work out. It's amazing the different teaching strategies the Lord will use to help us realize we are on the right path. Who would have thought that my first NBA game would teach such a great lesson?

When I got home last night I was in such a great mood, nothing could bring me down. This morning, nothing has changed. In fact I'm even higher because while typing that last paragraph I was called by the MTC again to set up my interview. Next Wednesday will be a big day for me!

Isn't life wonderful?

My week

2011-03-16T23:18:00.000-06:00

I know that it's only Wednesday night, but I just need to update this thing! It's been a great week so far any way. Monday I went back to work at Evergreen which was so nice to be back where I know (and am told) that people appreciate me. Just this week I was basically fought over by a teacher and the vice principal about which job position I was going to take. The teacher wants me in his class and the vice principal wants me in the ISS (In School Suspension) position. I'm going in with the teacher though, my decision has already been made. That night for FHE we took a tour of the Conference Center down town. We got there just as the sun had gone down so we started on the roof. The sky still had red and it was just so beautiful! The tour was good, but way too long in my opinion. 1.5 hours to look at a building I've been in and toured many times loses its appeal after a while. But after the tour ended I went to get ice cream with some friends as an early birthday thing. And if that wasn't enough, I half invited myself and was half invited to go to a friend's house and watch The Scarlet Pimpernel. (Good movie!)

Tuesday was my birthday. It was a pretty good day. I went to work, then one of my very good friends came over to my house and we went for a walk around the neighborhood and talked. It was so nice to talk to her since we don't get to see each other a ton. (And the weather was great!) After that I went out to eat at a filipino place down town with a couple of really good friends. The food was great, the company was awesome! We finished out the night by going to our friend's new apartment to see what it looks like and we went up to check out her rooftop because not even she had done that yet. It is amazing! You can see so much from up there! For the past couple of years I have thought that the coolest place to live would be in the down town of a city and she basically does. It's so cool. I really was blown away by it.

Today was my half day of work since I'm only doing a 15 hour position again until the other becomes available. I hardly did anything. I forgot that they were presenting the musical to the whole school so I was only in the classroom for about 45 minutes. It made me feel guilty because I got there later than I usually do on my half days and most of it was at the musical. Oh well. After work I went and played some ward ball! We only get to play 5 games in about two weeks which is lame, but I'm still excited. We won by forfeit but since we had so many people show up we still got to play a full game. According to the score at the end of the 4th quarter my team won, but we played an extra quarter because we still had time and the other team pulled ahead at the buzzer. Lame sauce!! After the game I got cleaned up and hung out with some other friends, I went with them to get dinner and then we ended up at my place for desert.
Sometimes I feel like I'm boring, but I just don't know what to do! I get tired of watching movies all the time and I'm not one to just bust out a board game so we usually just end up sitting and talking in the kitchen... That's all I have to offer though. Perhaps when food is involved it doesn't really matter, but I still feel the same. Then again if people really didn't like it, they wouldn't keep coming. ...Right? Maybe I just think too much and over analyze things.

Someday I will have more exciting things to post about, with better pictures. Life is just a little boring right now, sorry if you read the whole thing looking for excitement only to now be disappointed. It's your own fault.

When one door closes...

2011-03-11T00:14:00.001-07:00

It's just like the old saying goes, when one door closes another one opens. The door has closed on one position, but a new and familiar door is open. Upon getting "fired" last night I sent a text to a friend of mine, the teacher I used to work with, and asked her if I could have my old job back (knowing that they hadn't yet filled the position). She told me that she would do what she could for me today at work.

Today I took the badge back to the school and signed my time card.* On my way out to the west side and after I finished doing the deed she was in contact with me... apparently there were a few different options. On my way home my friend called me and told me that the principal had asked her that morning during first period if there was a way to get me back. He had no idea what my situation was, for all he knew I was perfectly happy at the other school and didn't want to come back, but he knew he wanted me. My friend gave him the edited low down on my situation and said there was a pretty good chance I would go back. I can start ASAP as the aide in ISS (In School Suspension) until another position becomes available in the SpEd department. Both of those positions are 29 hours a week which is just fine for me.

Tomorrow I return to Evergreen Jr. High and hopefully will be able to start working. We aren't sure if I can start tomorrow because of paperwork (which has already been started), but I'm going in to prove that I want this and am committed to working there. I'm so excited to be able to go back to a school that wants me and will appreciate me for who I am and what I do. This has been one of the best working experiences I have had (and I've had a lot!) and cannot wait to be part of the team again. Not to mention I'll be back at work with a great friend of mine. There are so many perks about working at this school it makes me wonder why I left at all.

*My only reason for taking the other position was for the pay. The new school doubled my hours and offered a higher pay rate, and I need money. The unfortunate part is that since I missed those few days of work I never made it to my full 30 hours a week. (The first week, although I didn't miss a work day, had a holiday that I forgot about in the last post.) I think that with the 15 from Evergreen and the hours I've worked at the other school I barely reached my 60 hours for the month which is what I was doing before. That means my check may be a few dollars more. And the worst part about it all? If I had just stayed at Evergreen I could have gotten my full 15 hours a week and I would have gotten an extra 10 hours worth of pay because of the book report thing the staff was doing. I read the book, Nobody Don't Love Nobody, all I had left to do was write the one page paper about it and be at the meeting. But no, I missed that.

I suppose it's also true what people say; everything happens for a reason. There must be some reason that I went to that school for the short two and a half weeks that I was there. One of my friends said that it was so that people at Evergreen could realize how much they missed me and wanted me to be there, that they won't take me for granted because they now know that I could leave again. Who knows what is really true? It doesn't matter though, it's in the past. It happened, it happened for a reason, now I just need to learn from it and move on.

So much for the new one...

2011-03-09T21:38:00.001-07:00

**This post has been edited**

So a couple of posts ago I told whomever it is that reads my blog that I had a job offer at a new school. I spent the $40 to take the required test (which I rocked!) and started about three weeks ago. This now may be my shortest lived position. That's right, I no longer work there.

Two weeks ago my grandma died. She is the first of my four grandparents to go so I went with some of my family to California for the funeral. Well, that being on a Monday afternoon I missed work on Monday and Tuesday, along with Wednesday because a lot of unexpected things happened on the trip that tuckered me out and the teacher I work with told me before I left that I could take Wednesday if I needed to. So I missed three days of work for that. One more day than I probably should have taken, but when your sister ends up in the hospital a thousand miles from her home and husband leaving you and your brother to take care of her two children (baby and toddler) while your parents run back and forth from hospital, hotel, pharmacy, and their hotel, you get a little burned out.

Today I woke up around 4:30 am feeling sicker than a dog and looking a very unnatural human color. Without going in to too many details, let's just say I thought it was in my best interest for me to stay home instead of being around 13 or 14 elementary aged kids. I sent a text to the teacher at least an hour before school telling her that I wouldn't be there today and explained a little of how I was feeling. I know I should have called but frankly with the way I was feeling and the tiny conversation I had with my sister it wasn't the best form of communication for me at that point.

Any way, after a few text messages were exchanged between the both of us, we decided that it would be better if I take a different position, possibly back at Evergreen. I was a little upset that it was so short lived, but I'm grateful I had the time there.

So here's all I have to say about the situation: Good luck finding an aide, maybe it won't be too hard, but I hope you find a male because that day that the student peed his pants and I had to sit with him in the nurses room until his mom got there with clean pants wasn't a very comfortable situation for either of us with him in his skivvies and a t-shirt. Thank you for giving me an opportunity to learn, no matter how short lived it was...

Whatchamacallit

2011-01-29T11:21:00.002-07:00

What my week feels like

So this week I like to call "my week from the place that they sell fire and brimstone for dirt cheap" because of all the things that have been happening. Then again I also like to refer to it as "my week that has been full of both first and second hand accounts of peoples' lives who are way worse than mine so I should just shut up and be grateful" because it's true what they say, some one always has it worse off than you do. Another way I could refer to this week is "my week of change" because I have been able to recognize a few things that really need work. Then there is the ever famous "my week of pity me sob stories" with how much attention I've been seeking. And last, for now, I will refer to this week as "my week of friend appreciation" because I have the best friends ever who help me when I'm in need.
No matter what this week us referred to in the future, let it be known that I love my friends both near and far. My life has been blessed because of every single one of them and I hope that one day in the not distant future I will do something to show my love to them.

Renewed Outlook

2011-01-25T09:59:00.001-07:00

Yesterday turned into one of those "pity me" days, one of those days that everything seems to loom over you like a dark rain cloud and all you have is a tiny toy umbrella to keep you safe from the deluge of expectation and responsibility.

When the storm starts, however, you realize that it only falls one or two drops at a time. Life is manageable. We will conquer so long as we stop worrying that we get a little wet or that our hair gets a little tangled by the wind of adversity. The reality is the Lord is my umbrella and He is one of those giant, family sized ones shielding me from the storm. He takes on the real storm. We just get the sweat from His hard work, the part that He has already experienced and knows how to best help us.

From now on I will trust the Lord to protect me, to teach me, and to guide me where I need to be.

Confused Emotions

2011-01-24T13:03:00.001-07:00

Yesterday was one of the busiest days since I have been home from the mission. I thought Sunday was supposed to be the day of rest but it seems like things just pile up. I went to a friend's farewell, went to my own ward (including choir practice), went to the open house for said friend, went back to my ward for an interview with my bishop (at least I got to talk to a cute kid while waiting), ran home to pull brownies out of the freezer, went to the stake center so that I could have my interview with my stake president, went back home to grab said brownies and also grabbed an apple because at this point I was starving, went back to church for a fireside, and then finally got home to stay at 8. That means about 11 hours of go, go, go! When I got home I text one of my friends because she had had a bad weekend and I was chatting with another friend about our goals for life and how to fix things and be happy which both were a little emotionally taxing for me. It was just a crazy day that didn't end well and the effects are carrying over to today. I have been sassy and sarcastic with the teacher, a good friend of mine, which makes me feel worse. Can this day be over now? I don't care that it's only lunch time...

Chocolate Milk

2011-01-20T23:03:00.001-07:00

I went to the temple today with some others from my singles ward and it was totally fun. On the way home we stopped by Sonic and got drinks and one of the girls paid for me because she is super nice (and because I was driving and it was a temple further from our houses) and it was just loads of fun.

That's when the bad stuff happened. I think I may have lost over 200 unsaved pictures because my memory card decided to freak. Then a friend stopped by unexpectedly which was great but we got on a topic that isn't fun for me and that I don't longer thinking about... Since it was our last topic it's on my mind now so I need to think about some thing other than that.

I love chocolate milk. The picture is from a few days ago when I made myself a nice tall glass of chocolate milk. As the chocolate was flowering from the bottle into the cup of milk it fascinated me how there was a little resistence on the part of the milk, forcing the chocolate to linger on the surface for a brief moment before falling silently to the bottom. In my trance I didn't realize how much chocolate was actually going into my glass... It ended up being a lot. Fortunately it made for a good photo opportunity. It made me laugh. Once I mixed it in and took a swig I laughed even harder (after the fact) because it tasted like Hershey's chocolate syrup. So gross. It was enough chocolate for at least two glasses of milk.

And there you have it, my chocolate milk experience to swallow down the bad taste still lingering in my mouth.

New job?

2011-01-20T10:26:00.003-07:00

So for those who don't know I work as a teacher's assistant for a local school district here in Salt Lake. It's what I did before I went on my mission and now I'm back. It's been a great job and I've been lucky enough to work with an amazing teacher who makes being in a school fun (no matter how much I dislike schools in general). She is wonderful. I worked with her before and I'm working with her again and I love it. The thing I don't love is the fact that right now I can only work 15 hours a week. That's not much. Another thing is that I took a serious paycut, apparently the district cut the budget while I was away. It's about $4 an hour less! AHH! How do they expect me to live and pay my bills on that?

Well yesterday we were on our way home (I carpool with my friend/ the teacher I work with) and my phone rang. Usually I wouldn't answer but I was expecting a call so I pulled my phone out and looked at the number. It wasn't my granddad who I was expecting, but when I said the number my friend told me it was a district number so curiousity got the best of me and I answered. The woman on the phone introduced herself as a teacher at an elementary school and she saw my name on a list of people looking for teacher assistant positions. What?!? I don't remember putting my name on a list! She went on to say that the position is 29 hours a week (almost double my hours!) and asked if I had a job yet. (My head was reeling at this point!) I told her that I was already working at a school 15 hours a week so maybe I won't be able to do it... Then my friend whispered to me (now remember, she's the teacher that I currently work with) 'If it's a better position, take it!!' The woman on the phone said something I don't remember because I was so confused that I couldn't pay attention and then I asked how much the hourly pay would be. Her answer was one dollar more an hour than what I'm making now, but she added that if I have special ed experience (which I have) then that may, no promises, boost the digits a little.
My mind is blown! I was blindsided with this! It seems like a great position but at the same time I don't know. This new teacher works, as I mentioned, at an elementary school with children that have communication disorders (CD) and learning disabilities (LD). I am hesitant about this new job because the CD. That and when I started this job in 2008 I told myself that I couldn't work with little kids. But now, adding both of those together I don't really know what to think. What do I do? I need to call the new teacher later today or tomorrow morning.
Decisions, decisions, decisions...

It's been a while

2011-01-05T10:37:00.002-07:00

Well, now that it has been almost two years since I have posted on my blog, I think it's about time to start up again. Blogs seem to be a good way to keep up with people that it just seems like there isn't enough time in the day to keep up with.

One of the reasons that I haven't posted in so long is because I was serving a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in the Philippines Cebu Mission. It was great! It was amazing! It was everything that I needed!

Now I'm back and ready to start the next phase of life, whatever that may be. I will however keep you updated on the happenings of my life for any and all that are interested. I can't promise to be completely diligent in posting, but I will do my best whenever something big happens.

Stay tuned for more.

Airport

2009-02-13T09:45:00.000-07:00

We're just going to make this a tradition I guess. I'm in the airport on my way to Denver to visit my sister and some other "family" there for the long weekend. I can't wait to get over there, I just want my plane to come so I can get on and leave.

The plane is now here and I'm getting ready to board with a Cinnabun in hand. WA HOO!

LOVE

2009-01-10T04:30:00.000-07:00

I just want you all to know that I love snowboarding! Sure it hurts when you fall coming off the lift, and it's sometimes hard to stand back up, and it's kind of expensive, all that aside it is so much fun!

The Call

2009-01-07T15:37:00.000-07:00

I got my call today and it was somewhere I least expected to go. I was sure I was going to Europe so when I read Philippines Cebu Mission I was super shocked. It's been four hours and the shock still hasn't worn off. I'll be speaking Cebuano and I leave April 8th for the MTC. I'll put up another post from the computer later so that I can post pictures and things. Just thought you all should know... In case you didn't already.

Waiting

2008-12-31T02:05:00.000-07:00

My papers have been in for just over one week and it's driving me nuts. I don't much like to wait for things, and for something this life altering is even worse. It's weird though, for how big this is I don't feel nervous. Maybe the actuality of the situation hasn't quite hit me yet. It was a rather big decision to make so quickly, it feels right, but I thought I would be more nervous than this by now. Maybe it's a good thing I'm not nervous? I don't really know.

Mission papers

2008-12-21T10:30:00.000-07:00

So because I have such a great stake president that is super excited for me to go on a mission he made some time in his schedule today to meet with me about my mission papers. Actually it was kind of funny because as I was getting ready for church my mom called downstairs and told me someone was on the phone for me, and when she brought the phone down to me she whispered with a goofy grin "it's the stake executive secretary!". He called to set up an appointment for 5 this evening to meet with the stake president. At church I told my bishop and he was way excited for me, and he was surprised that the stake president was meeting with me so soon.

I went to my appointment and talked with the president for about 20 minutes. He asked me some questions, I answered them, he told me how excited he was for me and that he had me pegged as a missionary a long time ago. I don't know why everyone else saw me as a missionary but it took me by such surprise. Any way, at the end of the interview he said the papers will be in the missionary department office tomorrow and it'll be about 2 weeks before I get my call. After that the soonest I would leave is 5 or 6 weeks but it could be a few months before I go.

So now on to the stereotypical part of sending in mission papers, it's time for guesses. Let me know where you think I'm going to go. Maybe there will be a prize for who gets closest, but I haven't quite decided what that could be yet.

Almost there!

2008-12-14T12:10:00.000-07:00

All my paper work is done, I have finished all my doctors appointments and now all that is left is meeting with my stake president. It's so exciting!

Update

2008-12-08T18:45:00.000-07:00

I suppose it's been long enough that I should give all my readers a little update. I have had my dental exam and my physical, just a few things to go back for at each place (nothing serious, don't worry) and then I get to talk with my bishop and stake president. Then it's time to wait. My parents are going to Hawaii in January and told me they might put the mail on hold while they're gone so I'm not tempted to open my call if I get it while they're gone. That is not ok with me. I don't care if I have to stare at it for a week, better that than have it sitting at the post office.

It's crazy how life gets complicated when you think everything is going right... That's all I'm going to say on that subject.

Papers

2008-11-17T15:20:00.000-07:00

Last week on Wednesday I met with my bishop again after he learned how to start up the paperwork process. He asked me a few questions and then sent me out the door to work on my papers. Frankly though I think we should start calling then forms, it's all done online. The only paper you have to deal with is when you print out the forms for your dentist and doctor to fill out. I don't have to do anything with those though except hand them over.

I have my dentist appointment in a few days and I'm not looking forward to it. I inherited my dad's teeth, in other words they are bad. To make it even worse, I haven't been to the dentist in two years, since before I went to Germany. That was a long time ago.

Speaking of Germany I think it would be way cool to go back. Not that I'm getting my hopes up, I'll go where ever the Lord needs me, but how cool would that be? Anywhere German speaking would be awesome. Then again learning anither language would be cool too. And I know I can do it because I learned German fairly quickly and fairly well considering all the English that was spoken around me. It's so exciting to think of all the different places I could go throughout the country or even the world. It'll be an amazing experience no matter where I go.

First talk

2008-11-09T16:05:00.000-07:00

Earlier today I had my first talk with my bishop about going on a mission. As soon as that magic word came out of my mouth he started beaming from ear to ear and even got a little emotional when I told him my story of how I came to my decision. Three of his children have gone on missions, two of which were daughters, and he said it is an amazing thing as a parent to watch a young woman go on a mission because you know they are going because they want to.

Unfortunately I am in a very young singles ward, we were just formed in August, and my bishop has never actually done this process before. I suppose I should have warned him why I wanted the interview, but since I took him by surprise I have to wait until Wednesday to start the paperwork. He has only been through a walk through of how to get it all set up as part of his training as a bishop so he couldn't get the things started online quite yet.

I suppose I'll post again on Wednesday when I actually get my papers started. I already have a dentist appointment set up and an eye appointment. All I need is a complete physical and I should be set as far as medical appointments. Things are all happening so quickly, it's amazing. I couldn't be happier.

It's official!

2008-11-05T02:30:00.000-07:00

My decision is made, I have talked to my parents, I will soon be talking to my bishop and I will be starting my mission papers so that I can become a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I couldn't be more excited. It is probably the best decision I have ever made in my entire life.
Any way, I just thought you all should know that.

Vacation

2008-11-02T07:04:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting at Denver International Airport right now waiting for my flight to go back home to Salt Lake. It was so nice to be back in my old stomping ground of Parker, Colorado and see some family (some blood and some as good as) and catch up with people. It's hard to leave though. Sometimes I wish I could move back, but then I remember how expensive things are and how much money I don't have. Besides, then I would have to visit Salt Lake all the time because of all my family and friends there. It's just a hard situation, we'll see where life takes me.

As for now the plan is to go on a mission. I'm just counting down the time now until I get home so I can talk to my parents about it. I have to do it. It's not scary, I think it's just Satan holding me back because he doesn't want more missionaries out there leading people to the light. Well guess what buddy? I'm going and I'm going to rock!

I don't much care where I go, although it would be really nice to go back to Germany or somewhere I could use my German skills I already have. If I don't go somewhere like that, a new language would be pretty cool. Spanish would be useful but I'd prefer something like Russian that I don't know at all. On thing I'm not looking forward to though is wearing a skirt all the time. I'll only get to wear other stuff when I sleep and on P-days. That will be hard for me, but it's something I have to do. It's not like it'll kill me.

Well I will keep updating on this blog with new things going on. I also need to talk to my bishop soon because I have some appointments later in the month that I will need to have papers filled out by the doctors. It wasn't my original intent but since I have them I may as well make the most of them and only pay once. Any way, I'll update with more later. Wish me luck telling my parents!

For some reason...

2008-10-29T16:20:00.000-06:00

So I made my decision (in reference to an earlier post) but for some reason I am finding it very, VERY hard to tell my parents. I don't get it, they aren't scary people. And it's not like I decided to go kill someone, this will be a very good thing, only blessings can come from it. So why is this so hard? I have blown many opportune moments. I just need to blurt it out but that obviously hasn't happened yet since I made the decision weeks ago.

Hopefully this weekend will give me some courage. I'm going to visit my sister and some old friends in Colorado, maybe they will be able to say the right thing to make me actually tell my parents. I keep telling myself I will do it but when it gets right down to it I can't figure out the right words to say or how to change the topic to me going on a mission... It's a big choice, you'd think I'd want my parents help. Why can't I just tell them? Why do I have to be so intimidated?

Walked and walked and walked and...

2008-10-19T13:49:00.000-06:00

I just spent the past two hours walking the streets of my neighborhood. It was nice to be outside, I just wish I could have been walking with someone. I tried a few different friends but they either didn't answer their phones or already had something going on or didn't get the subtle hints I was dropping in my texts. Oh well, it was still a good night and the only reason I came home was because I'm not wearing the right shoes to walk for two hours so my knees were hurting. I need to go on walks more before the winter really starts to come in strong, any one want to join?

Bust a Move!

2008-10-18T14:47:00.000-06:00

So today as I was driving in my car, blasting Flobots as loud as I dared, a fly landed on my windshield when I got stopped at a red light. The noteworthy thing about this is that when listening to Flobots as loud as I was it makes the car vibrate with every pulse of the bass and my car was vibrating so much the fly couldn't hold on and slowly bounced his way to the bottom of the window. I don't know if it really couldn't hold on or if it was just bustin' a move to my tunes, either way I thought it was hilarious.
I hope all you readers enjoyed a little insight into my life.

Decisions!

2008-10-07T14:12:00.000-06:00

I have had to deal with many decisions in my life but none so hard as this one seemingly is. I don't understand why, it's only a life changing choice one way or the other. Much more one way than the other. I just don't know what to do or who to talk to about it. Do I talk to friends? Family? People with experience making a similar decision? What do I do?!

Early!

2008-09-17T23:08:00.000-06:00

It's about 6:40 in the morning and I am pretty much awake and have been the past 20 minutes. Just in case any of you forgot or didn't know, I hate getting up early. It's one of my least favorite things ever. And why then am I up so early you ask? Laundry. Another of my least favorite things to do, but that one must be done. I tried going back to sleep but to no avail so now I'm writing this and texting a friend who is at work.

Perhaps it wouldn't be so bad to be awake this early if I would start going to bed a little earlier. Last night I didn't get home until around 11:15 after having a nice night with a friend. We went out to dinner (even though we are poor students) and then when we got back to her house we just sat in the car and talked for two hours. It was great. We always have the best conversations late at night in the car. There is just something about cars that makes us relax and let our guards down I suppose because it happens a lot and we talk about anything that comes to mind, we just let our thoughts wander and the conversation goes right along with it.

Last night though was a break through. My friend told me things that she said she hadn't ever told any one and I'm so proud of her for opening up and trusting me enough to let me in. In those two hours I gained so much respect for her, she has had a tough life. Which I knew that, just not to the extent of things I learned last night. I already had a lot of respect for her living her life how she does despite the influences she has, but if it's possible I have even more respect.

I also gained a new perspective on how lucky I am to have the family and the life that I do. Yes, I already knew I have a great family but I'm so lucky that I have parents that love each other and all five of us children for who we are as individuals. They are always striving to do what's best for us and I love them greatly for that.

So there you have it, apparently my guard is down early in the morning too.

A long time...

2008-09-05T07:38:00.000-06:00

So I just realized it has been quite a while since the last time I posted anything, almost two months, so last night I told myself I had to write at least something on here and give a little update.
I finished out my summer semester of college with fairly good grades, better than usual for me, so I was happy. I really enjoyed my classes and I'm hoping that my classes this semester get better and that I end up liking them too. As of right now however they are just torture. I have a feeling it may have to do with the fact that I am working from 9am-3pm and then I go to school typically from 4pm-9:20pm. Well, it's a bit more complicated than that. Wednesdays I start school at 2 which means I have to leave work early. Tuesdays and Thursdays I don't have class until 5:30 so I have a small break, though it's not really long enough to justify going home and then back to school since my job is kind of the half way point between home and school. Then again Thursdays I only have one class from 5:30-7:20 so that's always nice. But the nicest comes on Friday when I don't have any classes and at work the last three hours are planning.
I work for Granite School District as a teachers assistant. I'm in a classroom at a county facility and we have kids anywhere from 7th to 12th grade at one time. It's a pretty awesome job, though it can be rough at times. The kids all come from tough backgrounds, usually full of abuse, drugs and/or alcohol and are now in the state's custody. The kids are always changing, ususally only there for a few days but sometimes a few weeks at a time. I work with a wonderful teacher who does awesome things with these kids. It's made me realize how blessed I have been in my life to have the family and upbringing that I do.
Between work and school I don't have time for much else. I haven't pulled out my camera for a few weeks but I really need to do that. And I know, I still need to post pictures up here from my trip to Yellowstone back in July. It was a way fun trip but I have been so busy since then I haven't had time for much. They will get on here eventually though, don't worry.
One last thing before I finish, I love technology! I'm sitting in a parking lot selling produce (usually I do this on Saturdays but this Friday was special) and I'm posting all this on my cell phone. I don't have much time to just sit down at a computer any more so this phone keeps me in contact with everyone, keeps me organized and I just love it. I'm probably a little too dependent on it, but I don't know what I would do without it. Thank you BlackBerry for inventing such a cool phone (the Curve, not the Pearl).

Update

2008-07-10T10:22:00.002-06:00

I just thought I would update since I haven't written anything for a while. Not too much is going on though. Well, no, a lot is going on but it's a lot of the same stuff and none of it is exciting. I go to school 4 days a week, work 3 or 4 days a week and that's about it. I don't have a lot of time to do much of anything else.

One of my classes is called digital media essentials and basically we're just getting a quick look at a lot of different programs, like photoshop, premiere, flash, illustrator and what not. It's a lot of fun. So far we've done a lot of stuff and the thing I'm most proud of would probably be my ecard that I made. Not that it's hallmark quality but it's pretty good for never animating anything before. I like it. It's actually my favorite class which is weird because I have a photography class and that's what I'm getting my associates in but I don't like my teacher so that puts a damper on things.

Other than that, school and work I mean, I'm going camping in a few weeks with some friends. We're going up right next to Yellowstone, literally about 10 or so miles from the border of the park. It's going to be so much fun. For sure I'm taking my new camera up with me (Nikon D60) so I'll be putting up pictures from that trip up when we get back. It's going to rock. I'm so excited.

I Got Tagged

2008-06-17T09:10:00.002-06:00

Rules:

A. Post the rules
B. Answer all the questions about yourself
C. After you are done posting, tag 5 people

1. What were you doing 10 years ago?
In 1998 I was 11 years old, enjoying the summer off of school before I started at the big scary middle school. No really, it was scary. The thing was about 100 years old and I swear it could have collapsed at any minute when we were all in there.

2. 5 things on your to do list today:
1. Go to class
2. Deep clean my bathroom
3. Clean my room
4. Visiting teaching
5. Concert in the Park

3. 5 snacks you enjoy:
1. Ice cream
2. Gold fish
3. Popcorn
4. Chips and salsa
5. Fresh peaches during the summer

4. What would you do if you suddenly became a millionaire?
I would pay off my debt first, put half to three quarters in savings, buy a car and then travel!

5. 3 bad habits:
1. Procrastinating homework, although I'm getting better.
2. Not keeping my room clean
3. Impulse shopping

6. 5 places I've lived:
1. Canvas, WV
2. Gillette, WY
3. Ely, NV
4. Parker, CO
5. Rexburg, ID (but there's more...Katy, TX, Springfield, IL, and Salt Lake City, UT and Heide, Germany. Thanks for filling most of that out for me, Jeanne!)

7. 5 jobs I've had:
1. Dan Jones and Associates
2. Dollar Zone
3. Western Wats
4. Tagge's Famous Fruit
5. Teacher's Assistant (And there are a few more jobs I could throw in there...)

8. 5 things people don't know about me:
1. One of my goals is to drive all of Route 66
2. I'll only drink vitamin D milk if it's chocolate
3. Deep water terrifies me
4. I'm afraid of the dark
5. I have to have noise when I'm falling asleep, music or a fan or something.

Well that's it, that was quick and painless. I guess I tag whoever reads this, I don't think many people really get on here any more...

Worked Out

2008-06-07T15:19:00.002-06:00

Just a little update to my last blog of frustration about school. After going in to talk to advisors Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday (being frustrated, then calm, then frustrated to tears) we finally got things worked out. The advisor I talked to Tuesday and Wednesday was very helpful and actually went in to talk to the Visual Art and Design (VAD) department head for me since I was always at work. Then on Thursday he called me up and said after talking to the department head that everything was going to work out, the teacher would let me in to the earlier class and all I had to do was show up to the end of the class and talk to the teacher. So that's what I did.
I went to the school right after we let the kids go and got there for the last 15 minutes or so of the class. After the lecture ended I talked to the teacher and she put my name on the roll, gave me the syllabus and told me to see about registering over the weekend. I then asked her if her email address was on the syllabus and she said "No. I guess I should think about adding that some time. Here, let me look it up for you, I'll give you my address through the school." She then started typing on the computer.... I waited.... She typed some more.... I still waited.... Finally she gave in and gave me her person email address. I couldn't believe it, this is the teacher that is teaching a digital media essentials class and she doesn't even know her own email address. Wow! No wonder I had problems getting into the class! But I'm in now and that's all that matters.
Oh yeah and around 3:45 that same afternoon, the VAD department head gave me a call to see if I had gotten things straightened out. How nice of him to call me two days later. Sheesh!

Before It All

2008-06-01T21:25:00.002-06:00

Summer semester starts Wednesday. If you had asked me a week ago I would have told you I was way excited for the term to start. Ask me now and I'll tell you how frustrating things have gotten with SLCC. I registered within days of the opening day, it may have even been the day registration opened for me, and I have been ready for this for the past month. Now, in the final days I am so mad at SLCC it's not even funny.
I got online earlier today to check I had written down the right times in all three places that I put my schedule down and to get the class room numbers written down. As I did this I realized that my photography and digital media essentials classes were no longer at the times I had originally signed up for. Not only were they not the right time but not even the right day! They switched from Tuesday and Thursday to Monday and Wednesday, not that it's really that big of a deal but the real kicker is that they are now both at the very same exact time as well. How the heck do they expect me to be in two places at once?!
There is another digital media essentials class I could potentially sign up for because it says there is still one spot left but there is no check box by the class. I don't get it. And if I can't sign up for that class I don't know what to do, I'll have to drop one of the two and find a different class that is offered at this start point seeing as how the semester actually started May 12th. The problem with that is most of the classes will be full by now since it's so close to the start of the term.
This begs me to ask, WHY WAS I NOT INFORMED?! Who decided to switch people's schedules and not tell the students that signed up for them? Why are all the professors listed for this one class not listed in the employee directory making it near impossible to contact them? I don't think I would be quite as frustrated if I had just been told that my classes were going to change. When my German class was changed my professor called me personally and left a voice mail informing of the time change, giving me her phone number and email address if there was any problem and also telling me which text book to get and which chapters we would be using throughout the semester. It was a long message, but I'm sure she called all the students enrolled in the class and told them of the change. Now granted that was a while ago and there probably weren't as many people but how hard would it be to get all of our email addresses and send out a mass email saying, "By the way your class has been changed from TR 2-4:30pm to MW 5-10pm. If that is a problem please contact ______. Sorry for any inconvenience." Or, "By the way your class has been changed from TR 5-9pm to MW 5-10:15pm. If that is a problem please contact _______. Sorry for any inconvenience." Would that really be so hard? Apparently, it is. And how both classes were extended so long I don't know. I hope it's just a glitch in the computer and everything will be fixed in the morning.

Will this nightmare never end?

So much for that...

2008-05-24T09:44:00.002-06:00

Well apparently I didn't get any better about writing in this blog, so just get over it. I'll post when I feel like it. Actually I think a big reason as to why I don't write on this too often is because I hardly get on the computer, I have my phone to check my email and facebook and myspace and google things and yeah... computers are kinda old fashioned. Desktops any way. There are plenty of times when I've been down in my room and wanted to get on the computer but didn't because that would require me to go upstairs and sit in the office which is right next to my parents bedroom and have to be quiet so as not to wake them up. Some day though I will have my own laptop and then maybe I will be better about it because I can stay in my bedroom and still be online.

Life is great! I just want everyone to know that. Don't ask me why though, there is no real explination. Life is just grand and that's all there is to it. I like my job, which I will terribly miss during the summer even though I already have another great job lined up. I have plenty of time to relax and hang out with friends, but that may change once school starts in about two weeks. My life is just great and I'm happier than I think I've ever been, usually I would just describe myself as being content but now I'm actually happy. It's the best feeling in the world!

So yesterday my friend bought a brand new car, all on her very own, and it made me realize something; if I want something I just need to keep with it and I will be able to achieve anything. She had been saving for this car for quite a while and yesterday she bit the bullet, took her dad with her to the dealership and now she has a brand spankin' new car all to herself. How cool is that? I'm struggling to make it paycheck to paycheck right now (granted I've only really had one "normal" paycheck so far with this new job), there's no way I could think about a car. I'm just working on having enough for a nice DSLR (camera) and a laptop. But like I said, I just need to keep my eye on the prize and soon enough I'll have both.

Speaking of cameras now, I've decided to go to school and get my associates degree in photography. I do have a slight problem with that though, I don't have a camera and so while all my friends are out there with their cool cameras having random photoshoots I do nothing but stand by and watch (sometimes model) and wish I had my own camera to do things with. Well ok so I have a camera but it's some cheap little thing from Walmart that cost about $100 two or three years ago. I don't feel much like a photographer. Sometimes it even makes me wonder, as I look at all the cool pictures the people around me are taking, if I have chosen the right line of work to go into. My experience level is nowhere near theirs because they get to practice whenever they want.

Life is great

2008-05-02T11:09:00.002-06:00

Wow, I have sucked at this for the past month. Woops! Now that I have a set schedule and I'm not quite so busy I'm going to be better. Or try at least. First we'll do a job update. I quit Dan Jones for good, I'm never going back! It's official. I've done it twice and I don't ever want to do it again. Not that it was a bad job but two years is more than enough phone bank work for me. Right now I work for Granite School District as a teacher's assistant which basically means I make copies, answer the phone, help keep the class in order and occasionally take over the class (like today when the teacher isn't here and there's no sub). It's not at an actual school, we take kids that are 7th-12th grade who mostly are in the state's custody for whatever reason and can't go to their own school. We usually have around 8-10 kids, some times more and some times less. Today most of the kids got to go on a therapy related field trip and there are only 3 kids that I have to worry about. Fridays are nice though because we only have a half day of class and most of the time other people come in to teach lessons, like life skills and effects and things of drugs and alcohol. I will only have an hour to take the class. I really like my job though. It's the best thing since sliced bread. Okay, maybe not that cool but I really do think it's a great job. It's the first job I've had that I actually enjoy going to every day.

Other than work life is great. Just hang out and try to keep myself busy in the afternoons. I play ultimate frisbee every Monday night with a group of people which I love! It's so nice to be able to play again. So great! Any way, I need to get to work. The lady "teaching" life skills is about to leave so it's time for me to get these kids to work. I'll be better about writing.

Employed, not excited

2008-03-25T09:06:00.002-06:00

So I need to do a slight update from my last blog. I am only working at Dan Jones and Associates doing telephone surverys. The job up at the U didn't pull through because of some differences I guess you could say. Basically we played phone tag but I didn't really feel like they were trying hard enough and didn't really want me to work there. I need managment that will take action and not call every few days even though I call every day. Not so cool.

There is another perspective job however working for my school district as an instructors assistant in schools mainly on the west side in classrooms where the students have hard lives, aka foster care or maybe druggie parents and things like that. I really want the job, I think it would be cool to help those kids. I love helping other people learn new things and seeing the moment where it clicks in their head and you just know that now they understand what's going on. It's a great moment. So we'll see how that all works out, hopefully for the best!

No longer unemployed

2008-03-14T13:57:00.002-06:00

So for the past month almost I have been on the hunt for a job. I started out thinking I wanted more of an office job maybe as a receptionist, but really just something that would give me a set schedule with regular hours. Not retail!!! Well as time went on and I thought about things more I decided desk jobs are not my piece of pie. I don't like just sitting at a desk for hours answering phones and what not. But that doesn't leave much else open since I had already ruled out retail which includes food places.

As time went on and I got more desperate I decided to go to my fall back. I am now again employed at Dan Jones and Associates, my high school job, where I will be doing phone surveys. Two bad things about this, the hours and the fact that I'll be stuck in a cubicle the whole time. The only shift they really have available is from 4pm to 9pm (meaning only part time) so I can pretty much kiss my social life goodbye.

I do have another job though at the University of Utah in their ID card office, again only part time. So life provided, just a little differently than I thought it would. So that's my update for now. Hopefully I will start to get more regular with this again, I kinda slacked off for a little bit for a while there.

First full weekend

2008-02-22T20:35:00.002-07:00

So this is my first full weekend home and guess what I'm doing on a Friday night? Probably going to the gym by my lonesome because there is no one to hang out with, everyone else has plans already. Oh well, that's life I suppose. Well I'm off to go acclimate myself back to Utah elevation. Peace.

Is This Real?

2008-02-05T15:09:00.001-07:00

In less than 24 hours my parents and BreAnne will be here in Germany at my house. I've been doing quite a bit to get ready; packing, sending things home, cleaning, closing my bank account and things of the like but somehow it still doesn't feel like my time is up. I don't know why. For the past two or three months I have been counting down the days until they get here and now that it's tomorrow it doesn't feel real. This is such a weird feeling. I want to be excited but because it doesn't feel like a reality it's hard to get pumped. Perhaps it's because I am also counting down the days until we get home and that's not until the end of next week. Who knows?

Job Search

2008-01-29T14:46:00.000-07:00

In just over two weeks I will be back in the USA and starting to adjust to new life. Part of that new life will require getting a job though which I'm not looking forward to. I mean I'm excited about having a normal job again but I don't like the searching process. I'm trying to find a normal 9-5 job and yet the idea of sitting at a desk all day answering phones isn't that pleasing to me. But then again maybe I'm still at that point in my life when I have to just take random jobs to pay the bills and get through school and then I can get on with what I like. Seems an odd way to do it though.

I've decided I'm going to get an associates degree in photography from SLCC and then see where that takes me afterwords. There are quite a few job possibilities with a degree in photography but I think I would rather go into the free lance, artistic side of it. I suppose that means I would need a regular job as well to earn enough money to support myself.

If anyone has leads or ideas as to available jobs it would be greatly appreciated if you let me know. Something in the arts/music industry would be nice.

What's the number for 911?

2008-01-27T13:03:00.000-07:00

Well wouldn't you know it after all that complaining I did about last week and getting in trouble, the very next day I have to call an ambulence. I was also reminded that I would not do well working in an emergency room at a hospital. So here's the low down of what happened Thursday.

Around 11 am (time is key in this) Dagmar came up to my room and started crying. She said that her right side was going kind of numb and she couldn't use her right arm at all really, that she felt like she had no control over anything anymore, she was freezing cold but couldn't start a fire, she was stressed, she hates that she has MS and a few other things I couldn't really understand because she was crying. I finally got a word in edge wise and told her to go downstairs, lay down and I would take care of things the rest of the day. In other words do the job I'm here to do instead of her not letting me help. (I could probably try harder, but couldn't we all?) So we went downstairs and I started a fire for her and got lunch ready for when the kids got home.

A little after 12 the kids got home and we had lunch. Majlie didn't have any homework so she helped Mimi (without fighting - wahoo!) I checked on Dagmar a few times but she took some sleeping medicine so she was out most of the time. Basically I just kept the fire going so that she would stay warm.

At 2 I took Majlie to a friends house so they could work on something for school and then play when they finished and when I came back in the door Dagmar was calling for Mimi so I grabbed her and we both went in. Turns out she needed to go to the bathroom but couldn't get up. I got the wheelchair and Mimi and I helped Dagmar in there and then (I'll spare the details) helped her in the bathroom. We got her back to the couch and took her temperature which was at 38,77°C which is getting pretty high, normal is about 37°C. It wasn't the most accurate of readings either since we could only do it under her arm not in the mouth since they stick it in the other end if you know what I mean. She was also starting to have trouble speaking, her mind wasn't all quite there so I called up the missionaries and luckily they had time to come over at 3 pm and give her a blessing. Mimi called a family friend who is like another grandma for the kids and she also came over. I called Dirk at work but he was in a meeting so his secretary had to pull him out and I asked what we should do. He made a few calls to some doctors and finally we decided she needed to go to the hospital.

At this point I'm not exactly sure what time it was but we called 911 (which here is 112) and told them we needed an ambulence. It must have been around 3:30 that they came and by then Dagmar was completely out of it. It was like the movies when people are really sick, mumbling, saying weird stuff, making weird noises. If I wasn't so nervous I probably would have laughed. One of the things she kept saying though was that she didn't want to go to the hospital because she would die there. Any way, the EMTs came in and asked us a few questions, tried to get Dagmar to wake up (which Mimi laughed at because they shook not so gently and loudly said, "Frau Schumaier, open your eyes!") which she didn't really, her eyes would open for a few seconds and then close again. They brought in the gurney (which one of the elders and I joked with Mimi about, having a bed on wheels) and loaded her up and put her in the ambulence. They took a look at the medicines that she has just to make sure before they took her away and then by about quarter to 4 everyone was gone and it was just Mimi and I.

Dagmar stayed in the hospital over night under constant supervision. Dirk left from work early and came home, which being a Thursday afternoon took about 3 hours. He told me later that night after he got back from the hospital that Dagmar's fever was almost 41°C which is basically the point where you could die.

It's just amazing how quickly some things happen. In 3 hours she went from walking the stairs to hardly being able to even sit up, then an hour after that couldn't even talk.

She's doing alright now. They released her from the hospital Friday and she was home before the kids got back from school. There's no fever any more (which apparently was caused by her wisdom teeth which I didn't know could happen) but she's still really wobbly when she walks, even more so that usual. She can't go more than just a few steps without holding on to something so we have her walker out so she doesn't have to depend on the walls holding her up. Basically this means that the next week and a half I finally have stuff to do. I've only been waiting for that for the past 11 months.

Everything is wrong

2008-01-23T00:57:00.000-07:00

I realize that it is my job as an au pair to help take care of the kids and part of my responsibility is to get them ready for school in the morning but there are just some things that I don't feel I should get in trouble for. Yesterday I woke the girls up on time and did the regular routine. It's not my fault one of them was being slow as a snail. She finally got out to school, granted a little late but what should I do? I can't make her go any faster, I've tried. After school every Tuesday the girls go to their grandparents house until about 7 or 8pm which means I've got the whole day off. Not too long after school got out Dagmar came up to my room, almost in a panic, and told me about how Mimi (the snail) had PE in some other town and ended up walking/running all the way to her grandparents house. (I guess another mom that lives on the street saw Mimi and then told Dagmar... if I understood her right.) Mimi's grandpa usually picks her up from school on Tuesdays and he was confused and worried because no one was coming out of the school at the normal time. Any way, apparently this is my fault because I don't go through every single paper that Mimi brings home so we know when she has special activities like this. But really, why is that my fault? Dagmar is the mother, why can't she go through the papers? I'm just there to help with homework because Dagmar doesn't know how to do it patiently and it always ends in tears and yelling. Luckily I only have about two weeks left and then I'm done with this drama.
Then there was this morning. It started off bad when I slept through my alarm for about half an hour. Luckily both the kids were up with Dagmar and already eating breakfast. So since she's already there I don't see the need for both of us to be up so I went back to bed. A little after 8 the doorbell rings and then Dagmar calls me downstairs. Our neighbor said that something happened with Majlie, her bike was just on the side of the road and she was running the rest of the way to school. Dagmar told me to take the car and find Majlie. So what do I do? I go upstairs to put pants and socks and a coat on since it's below freezing outside. A few seconds later Dagmar yells something and I hear the car start as I'm putting my shoes on. Since I'm already up I decide to eat breakfast. Half way through my cereal Dagmar comes in and starts right up with "Why didn't you just go? You should have gone out the door right when I asked you to but what did you do? You ran upstairs. Majlie had class and can't miss that much and she was crying." I couldn't believe it. So I said "Sorry, my first thought was to put pants and socks on because it's cold outside. Besides you asked which one of us should go and I said 'I don't care.'" Any way, I had had every intention of apologizing about not waking up but after that I was so mad there was no way.
Then I ended up having to go get Majlie's bike that was locked to a bus stop not too far from home and I don't get why she didn't just run back home instead of trying to run all the way to school. It took me 25 minutes to walk slowly over there (I wanted to be out of the house as long as possible) and carry her bike back because the back tire had somehow completely come off her wheel. For Majlie to run back to the house would have only taken 5 minutes tops, and then she could have explained what happened and we could have driven her to school. Simple as that. Unfortunately nothing these people do is simple.
To make matters worse I cleaned Majlie's window today for the second or third time in a week. Of course it gets dirty, it's a window and it's raining and snowing outside! But honestly, it's below freezing out there. Do you know how hard it is to wash a window when it's that cold? And to get it to Dagmar's standards, ie streak free, spot free, clean as the day it was made... it's near impossible. Now it's almost noon. What else is going to go wrong today? The only thing that could make this day worse is if Majlie brings home her English test and has a 3 (C, they just do numbers here) or worse. It's not my fault that Majlie won't ever practice with me. I can't force people to do stuff they don't want to do. Besides, Dirk was home over the weekend and said he would help her study too. I hate that I have to play so many roles in this family and I'm not even part of the family, just someone they pay. Sometimes I think it would be easier if both parents were gone so that it was just me and I could do things my way instead of being criticized every step of the way. Seems like everything I do lately is wrong.

New Life Goal

2007-12-20T09:03:00.000-07:00

I have a new mission in life. I am going to train all the deer in the world to use crosswalks with traffic lights or at least those yellow flashing lights so when people are driving they know there is a deer. Deer crossing the road in the darkness of night is not safe. Not for the deer and not for the people driving 130 kmph (80 mph) because they just want to go home and go to bed. Why is this suddenly my mission in life? Because last night as I was driving home at said speed down the lonely road across northern Germany two deer came gallivanting across the road in front of me which made me have to slam on the brakes and swerve a little to the left missing Bambi by probably just a few inches.
On my weekly Wednesday drive home from institute I decided that I didn't want to listen to the radio, I would rather sing Christmas songs. That eventually evolved into love songs which in turn went to Disney songs. I was on Mulan, singing all the words I could remember when all the women are bathing and dressing her for the matchmaker. Just as I got to the grandmama "An apple for serenity. A pendant for balance. Beads of jade for beauty, you must proudly show it." And just then, right before "Now add a cricket just for luck, and even you can't blow it." I saw in front of me something in the road. By the time I realized it wasn't just going to go bounding across I knew there wouldn't be time to stop completely. I stomped my foot hard on the brakes hoping that they were at least the one thing in this car that still functioned properly and luckily they work. As I braced for impact and my tires squealed from the friction I slowed from 130 km/h to about 50 km/h (30 mph) in probably three seconds flat and jerked smoothly (if there is such a thing as a smooth jerk) into the left lane just barely missing the second deer. After I realized we had all made it through ok I pulled over so that I could get my heart rate to slow down a little. It was quite the adrenaline rush. I even got out of the car to check for marks to make sure I really didn't hit the poor stupid animal. I had already coasted too far away from the place of the incident to just walk back, perhaps I should have but I don't like being alone in the dark.
It was an experience that will not be easily forgotten, even though when I play it back in my mind it is still as blurry as when it actually happened. Everything went so fast, and when I pulled my car to the side of the road it felt like I was in a movie; such a surreal feeling that I hope I never experience again.

Random nonesense

2007-12-15T07:13:00.000-07:00

I'm kneeling at my desk, because I'm sick of sitting, and I have a lot of thoughts going through my head so I thought I would blog them out of my system. We'll start with the freshest on my mind. I have this friend from a while ago that just got married in May. In all the pictures I've seen of them on her page on Myspace it seemed like they were really happy. Well over the past month or so I've noticed that she's been putting up a lot more pictures with some other guy. Turns out she's already getting divorced. Barely six months. It's sad really. There are people that practically make professions out of getting divorced (speaking generally know, not about said friend). Think about it, from a woman's perspective it's perfect. Marry some rich guy and as long as you don't fall for the pre-nup you're set, all that alamony. And even better, have a kid with the guy and get child support. Free money. Every woman's dream.
The other night I was alone with the girls and I didn't feel like making dinner so I spent three Euro and bought us each a burger from McDonalds. Mimi was in the car with me so I asked her if she would rather have a plain hamburger or a cheeseburger. She asked me what a cheeseburger is. Granted the word for cheese in German is Käse (KAY-suh) but still, a 7 year old that doesn't know what a cheeseburger is. It blew my mind a little.
Two months and counting! I am so excited to be going home it's unbelievable. I will go back to having a normal life with friends and a real job. And most importantly a family that isn't so strange to me. If I have ever talked to you about this family you know what I have to live with. Sure it's just because they are different than what I'm used to and every family has their own way of doing things but my goodness gracious these people are practically the other end of the spectrum compared to my family. They are so disfunctional that they are functional. But barely so. The dad is still attatched to his mom. The mom has little to practically no patience. The oldest child is a baby. The youngest child is probably the most sane from them all, but she's still young and naive. I just want to go home, have a social life again and start figuring out what I want to study at school.

Hamburg pics

2007-12-08T13:38:00.000-07:00

I went to Hamburg a few weekends ago to stay with my friend and have a little Thanksgiving feast. The next day we roamed the streets of Hamburg for a little while and came across this little park. The first draw was a slide, but then it ended up getting better by the second. I even wrestled an alligator!

And then because it was so much fun Janae gave it a whirl as well.

There was a cool pirate ship wreck so Nichole and Janae climbed aboard to find some treasure.

There may not have been treasure but at least now we know if we ever find a real pirate ship that still floats, Janae is going to be the captain.

And since we're girls of course you can't see the front of a ship and not think of Titanic so here Nichole is playing the part of Rose and Janae is playing the role of Jack. And scene!

Next in our discoveries were a few small houses. Nichole and I wedged ourselves into one of them. I know that Hamburg is a big city and they want to fit as many apartments as possible in here, but really this is a little too much... Or should I say too little.

I'm not really sure why but Nichole felt the need to try and climb out above the door. Good thing it didn't quite work and she got a little stuck.

I tried to be cool and slide out real quick but that didn't really work to well either.

Check it out! It's Snoopy! We decided it was small enough and it's basically the shape of a dog house so why not.

Our adventure then took us to the Christmas Market in the town square by the City Hall. This picture took 3 minutes to take (at least) because we had gotten there just after the train had driven by so we had to wait for it to go all the way around and come back. Let me tell you, it was a long row of booths. And because the train took so long to come I got bored and frustrated and made this face.

All the Christmas lights at the market.

The Three Amigos. Janae, Maren, Nichole

The coolest Burger King in the world! It's freaking sweet!

I'm super stretchy!

We found our own little castle. They had some kid toys just out on the street so of course I had to play.

I'm supposed to be ripping down the castle because I'm a giant.

Thanksgiving

2007-11-21T00:48:00.000-07:00

In the spirit of Thanksgiving being tomorrow I thought I would list some things I'm thankful for. These are in no particular order, just the order that I think of them in.

Friends that know what to say to cheer me up when I'm having a down day, that have kept talking to me even though I'm so far away, and who don't make the silence awkward when we have nothing to say. (I didn't mean for this to be poetic but whatever.)

Animated GIFs
Lyrics

Family that is there no matter what.

Knowing that I have less than three months until I can go home and hang out with said people.

Technology that allows me to write this and keep in contact with the world.

Planes to fly in so I don't have to ride a boat all the way across the ocean and then a train or bus across the US. (Although that would be way fun!)

Erasers so I can fix mistakes when I do Soduko or crossword puzzles.

Fountain pens with erasable ink so I can fix mistakes when I write in my journal or write letters to people.

Cameras that allow me to have a hobby and maybe someday a profession.

Photo editing softwares that let me fill in my free time with changing colors and textures and things of pictures I take.

Euros that are doing so much better than the dollar right now which means when I go home and exchange my money I will get more bang for my buck.

Video iPods that store all my music, photos and videos and allow me to have entertainment as I travel, read, do homework, sleep, or anything really.

Döners that are so delicious it should be illegal.

Frozen, already prepared food that is easy to make and has just the right amount of food for a hungry person like me.

The sun that gives me light and warmth, even though sometimes it is deceitful.

The moon that is just amazing to stare at.

The stars that dot the night sky that let me play connect the dots in whatever order I want to.

Screenwriters that write all the tv shows and movies that I like. They should work all that out and get back to writing.

Video games that help to improve my finger coordination.

Heaters that actually work and help to keep me warm during the cold winter months.

Lamps that light my way so I don't get scared of the dark.

Peanut butter which is just so tasty. If it had cheeks I'd pinch them.

Any candy with peanut butter in it because anything with peanut butter is good. Well, almost anything.

Good health so that I'm not constantly getting poked and prodded by doctors to figure out what's wrong with me.

My scooter that helps me get around the neighborhood and campus back home.

My longboard and skateboard which have both taught me that I need to practice more before I go down really steep hills without a helmet.

The game of raquetball which has provided me with hours of fun, (sometimes unhealthy) competition and exercise.

Frisbees without which I would have nothing to do with friends on long summer afternoons.

Snowboards which provide the same thrill of longboarding but with a much softer landing.

Tissues so that you can blow your nose instead of having snot run down your face and then throw away because carrying your snot around with you is just weird.

Backpacks that let me carry all my stuff in around town or around campus.

Bikes used as an alternative to cars. Economical and healthy.

Life vests so I don't drown in water.

The flight instructions you get every time you fly in case of some emergency.

Everyone on flight United 93 that fought the terrorists.

Firepeople, policepeople, and those in the armed services that everyday work and risk their lives to protect our freedom and try to maintain control.

German Music

2007-11-19T01:18:00.001-07:00

I made this music player at MyFlashFetish.com.

Picture

2007-11-16T08:24:00.000-07:00

I'm tired

2007-11-15T07:50:00.000-07:00

I know I shouldn't be complaining because there are a lot people that have it worse off (aka people with babies) but I'm super tired. This morning I went to wake one of the girls up at 6:20 to get ready for school and she told me she didn't have to go until 9:30. Now it shouldn't be that big of a deal but I don't have to wake up the other kid until around 7 so that means I lost an hour of sleep because once I wake up and walk on that cold tile downstairs I have the hardest time getting back to sleep. Not fun. Any way, I was doing alright until around 12 and I fell asleep for half an hour or so and since then I've been pooped. I'm ready for today to be done with.

They aren't mine!

2007-11-07T12:07:00.000-07:00

The past few days the kids have been driving me insane! I don't know what the deal is but it's like everyone in the house has PMS or something. As days go by the kids get worse and worse. They yell, they cry, they tell me they need help with homework and then get mad at me when I try to explain it, they call me stupid, they roll their eyes so much I'm surprised they haven't just rolled right on out of their heads yet. I haven't gotten any of my normal breaks so far this week either. Grandma and Grandpa are gone this week so there was no Oma Tag yesterday after school where the kids stay the whole afternoon with their grandparents and today I had to stay home because Dagmar had a chemo treatment so I stayed to help with the kids instead of going to institute. Hopefully tomorrow it will be ok if I sneak away to my English class for an hour or so. If I make dinner before I pick the kids up from swimming then all they will have to do is eat and go to bed and there shouldn't be any stress for Dagmar. Too bad that will never happen. Whenever the three of them are together there is always arguing of some kind.
All I have to say is that I'm very glad my kids will not turn out like these two. If my kids ever yelled at me so much and told me I was stupid as much as these kids tell their mother I would probably send them to miltary school. I will not be a rug for my kids to walk on and wipe their feet on. I'm not saying that I'm going to be so strict that my kids will fear me, but I will get respect. You show kids respect, they will show it in return.

Bad apple. I mean milk.

2007-11-05T00:22:00.000-07:00

As I was eating breakfast today I had to get a new liter of milk out. I had just poured the cereal in my bowl and opened up the milk when I knew something was going to be wrong. As I pulled the tab off the milk, the fresh sealer, I noticed a build up of fat that is not normal especially for 1,5% fat. I put the lid back on and shook it up thinking it just needed a good shake. Boy was I wrong. The milk came out a little chunky. Then I realized why. You can buy two different kinds of milk here, fresh and chemical. The fresh always needs to be refrigerated where as the chemical can sit on your shelf in the pantry for a month or three. Normally we buy the chemical because we have a small frige and there is no room for milk but apparently it was fresh this time sitting on the shelf. So basically we now have nine more liters of chunky milk waiting to be drained.

HOME

2007-11-02T09:05:00.000-06:00

I know the day and time when I am coming home. I'm so excited! Friday, February 15 at 10:45 pm. How freaking exciting is that? Only 3 more months!

Stupid

2007-11-01T14:45:00.000-06:00

Boys are stupid. Ok, not all boys and not all the time but yeah. It's just confusing I guess. So every Thursday the missionaries have an English class at our little building for anyone around that wants to learn English. I go every week, because they invited me not because I need to learn English, but I'm the only one besides the missionaries that ever goes. It's probably breaking lots of rules but who cares, they don't have anything to do now that it's so dark so early and I have nothing to do so why not do nothing together. We usually talk about things like school, friends back home, crazy Germans, weird people they meet and things like that. It's a lot of fun and it's one of the two things I look forward to every week, the other being institute.
So I just got back from this weeks "lesson" and I don't know what to think about it. First off I have to say Elder S was replaced by a German guy who knows English but hardly said anything tonight. Elder B and I were talking about normal stuff, but every once in a while it would get to the topic of dating. Probably just because this is his last transfer which means he's going home in December and he was talking about not wanting to start dating again or get married any time soon. Since I'm thinking about going to USU and he's going to BYU-I he said he would come down and hang out with me (which he's said before) but then when we were talking about dating he told me I was going to be like an RM and get married right when I get home and I told him I've only been on 4 or 5 dates he said he would take me on a date, something fun and cheap.
Now I'm just all sorts of confused. Elder B is a really cool guy and someone I could see me hanging out with. I'm just not used to having all these guys around. In high school I was never really interested in dating but now that I'm older and priorities have changed a little I'm starting to "notice" guys more. Too bad the only ones I ever talk to all have the first same name. I guess it's just preparing me for going back home and finally entering the dating scene. But hey, at least I have a date if I decide to go to USU.

Support the Troops

2007-11-01T14:29:00.000-06:00

If the Red shirt thing is new to you, read below...

Last week, while traveling to Chicago on business, I noticed a Marine sergeant traveling with a folded flag, but did not put two and two together. After we boarded our flight, I turned to the sergeant, who'd been invited to sit in First Class (across from me), and inquired if he was heading home.

"No" he responded.

"Heading out" I asked?

"No. I'm escorting a soldier home."

"Going to pick him up?"
"No. He is with me right now. He was killed in Iraq, I'm taking him home to his family."

The realization of what he had been asked to do hit me like a punch to the gut. It was an honor for him. He told me that, although he didn't know the soldier, he had delivered the news of his passing to the soldier's family and felt as if he knew them after many conversations in so few days.

I turned back to him, extended my hand, and said, "Thank you. Thank you for doing what you do so my family and I can do what we do."

Upon landing in Chicago the pilot stopped short of the gate and made the following announcement over the intercom."Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to note that we have had the honor of having Sergeant Steeley of the United States Marine Corps join us on this flight. He is escorting a fallen comrade back home to his family. I ask that you please remain in your seats when we open the forward door to allow Sergeant Steeley to deplane and receive his fellow soldier. We will then turn off the seat belt sign."

Without a sound, all went as requested. I noticed the sergeant saluting the casket as it was brought off the plane, and his action made me realize that I am proud to be an American. So here's a public Thank You to our military Men and Women for what you do so we can live the way we do.

Red Fridays.

Very soon, you will see a great many people wearing Red every Friday. The reason? Americans who support our troops used to be called the "silent majority." We are no longer silent, and are voicing our love for God, country and home in record breaking numbers. We are not organized, boisterous or overbearing. Many Americans, like you, me and all our friends, simply want to recognize that the vast majority of America supports our troops. Our idea of showing solidarity and support for our troops with dignity and respect starts this Friday -- and continues each and every Friday until the troops all come home, sending a deafening message that .. every red-blooded American who supports our men and women afar, will wear something red.

By word of mouth, press, TV -- let's make the United States on every Friday a sea of red much like a home coming football game in the bleachers. If every one of us who loves this country will share this with acquaintances, coworkers, friends, and family, it will not be long before the USA is covered in RED and it will let our troops know the once "silent" majority is on their side more than ever, certainly more than the media lets on.

The first thing a soldier says when asked "What can we do to make things better for you?" is "We need your support and your prayers." Let's get the word out and lead with class and dignity, by example, and wear something red every Friday.

To Write Love On Her Arms

2007-10-30T15:21:00.000-06:00

http://www.twloha.com/

Read it. Love it. Embrace it.

Failure

2007-10-29T13:25:00.000-06:00

So Sunday I found out that Elder S is getting transferred this week. It's pretty lame but maybe a good thing. Maybe I'll forget about him since I won't be seeing him all the time. That's usually how it goes when I have crushes on people. Absence does not make the heart grow fonder. Any way, we got our picture taken together after church and then my guest mom was rushing me so much I didn't really have time to think. I just shook his hand and told him to have fun on the rest of his mission and then he said that we'd probably still hear about each other because he'll talk to Elder B, the one that's staying in the ward here. (Does that mean anything?) It wasn't until I had walked out and wondered if I would ever see him again that I remembered I never gave him any contact info. If my guest mom hadn't seemed to be in such a rush I would have gone back in but she kept telling the kids to hurry and what not so I just went to the car and drove away. And that's the end of the story. Or is it?

What the crap?

2007-10-25T09:07:00.000-06:00

So last night I went to institute like I try to do every Wednesday night since it gives me a break from being home and I have a few acquaintences there that I like to talk to. I try and get there early, mainly because that means I'm out of the house earlier. Well last night as I was coming out of our little library that we have upstairs I had to sort of cut the corner of another room which just happened to be the room where one of the sister missionaries was teaching a kid English. Sister W (I don't know why but I feel it best to keep anonymity even though none of you have met these people) asked me a question or said something to me as I was leaving so I stopped and talked to her for a second before she told the kid that I was also from the US. He started asking me questions about why I was in Germany and when I was going back and what I would do when I was back and how long I had spoken German and then he told me my German was really good. He said he's only been in Germany a little over a year, he's from Iraq. Any way, when he finally ran out of questions I went and played pool in the other room to kill my time since no one else was there yet. A few people started trickling in and were sitting at the top of the stairs and then about 15 minutes after I started shooting pool the kid came in and started talking to me again. He said that if I wanted to we could go out and get some drinks some time or go to a movie or just hang out. Then he gave me his phone number so that I could call him some time. We played two games of pool (which I lost horribly) before he said that he had to leave. But the weirdest part is that he stopped to talk to some of the people by the stairs before he left and I heard him say that he wanted to look for German friends. He didn't want to be friends with "auslanders" ... I think the word in English is foriegners... because he wanted to learn the language and culture better. That's when I thought, "Well why the heck did you give me your phone number and say that we should hang out? I'm a foriegner!" I've just had a bad experience with guys I just met giving me their phone number. The last guy that did it practically stalked me and then asked me if there was any way I would ever even consider marrying him if he wasn't my religion. When I told him no he just went in to the big rant about how religion is ruining the world and it's the cause of all our problems. And then he asked "What's the point in being friends with someone if you know there's no future? That's all you are is just friends? Why would you want to do that?" So basically I said no and after that night I haven't seen him since. Which is a good thing. But kind of bad because I drew something that I want to get put on a shirt and that's the kind of thing he does for work, he owns a copy shop and prints on shirts, pillows, makes signs and posters, etc. and now I would just feel awkward going to his shop and having him do it for me. Maybe I'll just have to wait until I get home. Oh well. So yeah, that's my weird phone number story. Random, unorganized, and one freakishly long paragraph.

Tag! You're it!

2007-10-24T17:22:00.000-06:00

Thanks for tagging me X...

A. The rules of the game are posted at the beginning. B. Each player lists 6 facts/habits about themselves. C. At the end of the post, the player then tags 6 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know that they have been tagged and asking them to read your blog.

1. I love ultimate frisbee! It's one of the bestest games ever and I can't wait until I go home and I can throw a disc around again. It's been far too long since I've had a regulation weight piece of round plastic glide from my fingers and sail effortlessly through the air until striking another pair of hands. ULTIMATE!!

2. I tend to do things with my right side first. When I put my pants on, my right leg goes in first. When I put socks on, my right foot gets warm first. My first stride is with my right leg. When I put a jacket, teeshirt or coat on, my right arm goes first. When I pop my knuckles, my right side always goes first whether it be my fingers, elbows, shoulder, knee or ankle. I always try for the right side first, unconciously of course.

3. I have a skill for getting random guys telephone numbers. I don't know what it is about me but I suppose I just have the kind of face where guys from random countries like Iraq or Algeria (I think) look at me and think I bet she wants my number... I'll give it to her. It's really weird. But then I have an even better skill of seeing them a ton of times right after they give it to me. Insane.

4. Sometimes when I write I get tired of holding the pen the normal way so I switch it up a little. You have to stay on your toes, keep the mind juices flowing, and the best way to do that is to challenge your hand a little.

5. Whenever I pull a bowl out of the cupboard I wipe it out on the inside of my shirt or sweatshirt before I put my cereal in it. Mainly because I know it doesn't get cleaned very well and even though I know wiping it with my shirt won't really do a whole lot to clean it there is just something about the motion that puts my nerves at ease.

6. I don't sleep when I travel. Or at least I try my hardest not to. Perhaps it's because when I was younger and my family took vacations my siblings would throw things in my mouth. Maybe it's because I don't know if I talk in my sleep and I don't want to run the risk of telling the strange man next to me that I love him. Or drool on him. Or lean on him. There are just so many things that can go wrong when you travel with strangers.

Well I don't know 6 people with blogs but I'll tag Jeanne, Angie, and Janae. They are all really cool and most definitely worth two spots each.

The World May Never Know

2007-10-22T16:31:00.000-06:00

That's basically how I feel right now. There is so much going through my mind that I don't even know where to start. I guess we'll start at the beginning of my day and hopefully that will make a little sense. I woke up this morning around 7 and apparently I fell asleep with the lights and tv on. After turning everything off and trying to figure out how long I had already been asleep I figured 7 was too early to be up on a day with nothing to do so I went back to bed. As I was sleeping I had a weird dream. I don't remember a lot of details but I know that I was looking for my cell phone because I didn't know my number but I needed to give it to a guy (yes I know who the guy is, we'll get to that) so I had to look it up in my phone. Well I wasn't having any luck finding the phone but we found lots of random stuff in my back pack and we just started playing with that instead. There first few seconds after I woke up I was happy. And then reality set in and I remembered it was just a dream. All day today that dream has been playing itself over and over in my head and it's driving me crazy.

The boy in the dream is the boy that I have a crush on. The only problem with me having a crush on him is that he's currently on a mission for our church. We're both from about the same area and we both are going home around the same time. My main problem is, I don't know how he feels about me. This is such a problem because I can't just go up to him and ask, "Hey Elder, wanna go on a date in four months?" My friends keep telling me that I should just give him my contact info before he transfers (which could be next week) and if anything happens, great, and if not then it's no big deal. Really I have nothing to lose. If that's the case, why am I so nervous?

Last week I was talking to the Elders at our English class (the Elders started it up about two months ago and so far only once have people shown up but we keep doing it just in case) mainly just about random stuff. One Elder, we'll call him Elder B, and I were talking about ice blocking and how he's never done it. Then we started talking about how to make an ultimate ice block, fill a whole freezer with water, and then having to have a truck to take it back up the hill every time. Since he's from ID and I'm thinking about going to USU we said that we would get together and try doing it. Then Elder S, the one I like, said that he would go up there too even though he goes to BYU. Elder B and Elder S aren't really the type of people that would hang out with each other, but I think I would hang out with both of them separately. Any way, I'm probably just reading too much into that.

Elder S has been in my ward now for 5 months. We talk at least a little bit every week, especially with this English class. But during those conversations he's mentioned a girlfriend once or twice. It never sounded serious, but just the possiblity that there is someone back home... I don't know what to think about that. Sometimes I catch him just looking at me, or at least in my general direction because when I glance at him he'll look away real quick. I don't know if that means anything though. Maybe it just means that since I usually sit across from him that's the most natural place to look. Or maybe it means he's rethinking the decision to go to USU? (Maybe wishful thinking on my part...)

Why are guys so confusing? Why is this turning in to such a big thing for me? Why am I posting this on the web for all to see? How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?

The world may never know.

I'm such a girl

2007-10-14T11:07:00.001-06:00

New shoes! They freaking rock! Wow... I can be such a girl at times.

It's been one week

2007-10-13T00:14:00.000-06:00

So I have been with the kids, without parents, for a little over a week now and so far I think things are going really well. A friend of mine came to stay with me to help me out though so it's been really nice. Actually my friend that's staying with me is American. And get this, she's in my stake back home. We lived in the same stake in Utah for three years and it took us both moving to the same stake in Germany to meet. How cool is that? Any way, it's been nice to have someone else around to help me with the kids and it's even better that she's American. I know that I should be trying to learn more German but it's just nice to speak English some times. And really we've got a pretty good handle on Denglisch (dang-lish) so it works pretty well.

I hate to say it but the girls are much more relaxed when their mom isn't here. It makes life so much better...except now I'm the one that has to clean and cook and settle all the arguments and do all the shopping. I'm only 20! I'm not ready to have a 10 year old and a 7 year old to take care of. Hopefully being on vacation for two weeks will help her to relax and calm down so that she isn't so high strung when she gets back. *knock on wood* Kids are so much more pleasant when they're under little stress. So nice. The older one has been throwing fewer tantrums, I don't think there have been any actually. Well maybe one but it was weak sauce compared to her normal.

All in all things are going very well. Only one more week until the parental figures come back. I'm excited. Maybe I'll take a short, well deserved vacation.

Don't pretend to know

2007-09-30T16:14:00.000-06:00

One of my biggest pet peeves: "I know how you feel."

I cannot stand it when people say that because it's a flat out lie. No one knows exactly how I feel. It wouldn't be so bad if you said "I can see how you would feel that way" or something of the like but do not come out and tell me that you know how I feel. Even people that go through the same experience don't have the same feelings because they have different backgrounds and other experiences that shape who they have become and how they feel now.

Yesterday there was a stake Relief Society thing all day, we each had two workshops to go to with lunch in between. The day started with me only getting about 5 and a half hours of sleep, having a bad hair day and then not having time to eat breakfast. We got to the stake center (an hour drive) and had an opening song and prayer together before we split for our first workshops. As we left we had to take a small cut out heart because whatever color we had is what table we had to sit at for lunch and each color had a different dish. My first workshop was the sport activity where we did a little yoga and I was quickly reminded of how unflexible and weak I am. It was good though because I've been thinking about doing yoga since I have so much free time.

We ended class a little early so I pulled out my ipod and listened to some music and went through the pictures I have on it. They are all from back home and brought the memories flooding back, which at the time I didn't think was bad because they were all good memories of fun that I've had with friends or funny pictures from the internet.

When it was finally time for lunch I went and sat at my table and knew right away I wasn't going to like it. The salad was... I actually don't even really know what the stuff is but it's purple and gross. I thought there were slices of apple on top so I was excited about that but when time came to eat them they turned out to be pears which I'm not such a fan of. Then we had this soup which seriously was lacking some spices/seasoning (gewürtz). I'm not sure what all was in it except for carrots (I don't like mushy carrots) and snow peas or something... pea pods which I do like. Then there was stuff that kind of looked like wheat that wasn't so tasty but I ate it just for the mere fact that I was starving and I needed to eat something. Then we got to dessert which I was looking forward to because the bowl of pudding had been mocking me the whole meal. I dug into that. And then stopped digging and more played with it. It was kind of gritty and tasted like there was wheat in there and it wasn't very sweet. It was like fat free sugar free pudding or something. I ate less than half of it. The only good thing about the lunch was the water and that wasn't even the best because I'm not such a fan of lemon water but it sure beats the heck out of the nasty mineral water they drink here.

I finally got tired of staring at the disgusting food so I got up and walked out. But that also has to do with the fact that I was on the verge of crying and I certainly didn't want to do it infront of the whole stake. So I went to the bathroom and tried pulling myself together and when I thought it was safe to go out again I went to the gym to grab my bag and I went to the room where my next class was. As I walked in the teacher came in with me and she started talking to me. After asking my name she asked me where I was from (I have a very unGerman way of pronouncing my first name even though it is pretty popular over here.) and what I was doing in Germany. That's when I lost it for the second time. I again went to the bathroom and tried pulling myself together. I went back to the classroom and she asked me if I wanted to talk about it. (That's what you should do, FYI. Ask if you can butt into someone's personal problems, not just rush over and gawk at them and pester them until the forget their problems and end up just being mad at you.) I just shook my head and she said OK, asked me if I understood when she and her brother (the other teacher) spoke German, I nodded, and she left me alone. I tried to preoccupy myself with writing so as to not have to look up and have people notice that I was crying (and luckily we weren't supposed to be talking anyway when we came in the room because the class was 'good thoughts through good music' so we just had to listen to the music) but that only worked so long.

The class started and since there were only about ten of us we went around the circle and introduced ourselves. I had planned everything out in my head as to what I would say and how to say it so that it was mostly grammatically correct but for some reason when it got to be my turn I just couldn't do it. I waved them on, waited for about 30 seconds and couldn't take it anymore so I left and went to the bathroom yet again. This time there was some one in there and she asked if I was ok. I just told her that I'm American and I was a little homesick and that's when a lady from my ward came in. She was in the workshop with me and came to check up on me I guess. I first started to get annoyed with her when she basically pushed the other lady out of the way. The lady had asked me a question that I hadn't answered yet and Sabine (from my ward) was just like "Thanks but I'm here now." That bugged me. If people want to be nice, let them. No one asked you to come in here and check on me, at least I know I certainly didn't. Then the next thing that bothered me was that she stood there and watched me blow my nose. Now this may be more information than you want so if you get squeamish by the littlest things skip this part until the five asterics. I had more snot yesterday than I knew was humanly possible. I mean when I blew my nose it soaked through all four layers of the paper towels I was using (which hurt by the way). But Sabine just stood there and said "Blow it all out." That's when I went into a stall and didn't go back out until my nose was empty and I knew she was gone. ***** I was just getting things composed when Sabine walked back in with Erica, also in our ward and the stake RS president. So now I had two people with their panties in a twist over me. Now comes the next thing that annoyed me about Sabine, what I opened this blog with. She told me that she knew how I felt. When she was younger she moved to a new town and didn't have any friends. But oh wait, she still lived with her family and she was still in Germany where she knew the language. It was her own freaking fault she didn't have friends. That is absolutely nothing like what I'm going through.

What am I going through? I'm more than 5,000 miles from home in a country with a different language that I'm still learning and no friends. There are two other people around my age in my ward (branch really) but one of them is a strange boy who is moving to Hamburg pretty soon and whom I've hardly said more than two sentences at a time to and the other one is almost 5 years older than me and has a 1 and a half year old girl. The only "friends" I have here are more acquaintences and all live an hour away from me. Either that or they're missionaries and can't hang out. The closest we get to hanging out is talking for an hour or hour and a half on Thursdays because no one shows up to the English class that they started. Also, my guest parents are leaving on Thursday for two and a half weeks leaving me alone with the two girls to basically fend for myself. Aforementioned Erica is basically in the family and she told me if I needed help I could call her but I'm pretty much alone. But here's the kicker, my guest parents are going to Salt Lake for half of their time in the US and they'll most likely meet up with my parents and have a grand ol' time in my town.

Any way, I finally got back to some what normal and went back to class. I cried a few more times, not too serious though, more just like a leaky faucet that drips occasionally. And it was because of the stupidest things, like listening to a song by Elvis, or knowing that the song was called Give it to Me and is by Timbaland, Timberlake, and Furtado or not knowing the German national anthem or talking about the American national anthem. It was just all really weird and random and I felt really stupid because I couldn't stop crying. It was just months worth of emotions that had all built up and I finally erupted. I was a volcano of emotion, unpredictable and uncontrolable.

Confusing

2007-09-24T16:53:00.000-06:00

I made myself a sandwich for dinner tonight and I was getting everything out and toasting my bread I thought "Hey this is basically a BLT." Then as I was slicing my tomato I got to thinking of what BLT stands for; bacon, lettuce, tomato. I looked at the things on the counter and realized the only way it resmbled a BLT as the fact that I had the T. Other than that it was mozarella cheese and some lunch meat. I don't even know what kind of meat it was... turkey, chicken, pig, horse, platypus? No idea.

Cars are not cute. There is nothing cute about a one ton hunk of machinery. And yet they can be hot or ugly.

This blog made absolutely no sense. I'll probably delete it later...

Silence really is golden

2007-09-21T11:29:00.000-06:00

You would think after 7 months living with something that you would get used to it, but you don't. Or maybe it's that after a certain time you get used to it and then after a little bit of being used to it and tuning it out that it just becomes annoying, sometimes unbearably so. This thing that I speak of is yelling. I have lived 7 months with a family that yells almost constantly, whether it's because they're excited or mad or want attention or just because they can. It's only quiet when no one is around.
Those are the golden moments. Those are the moments when I just stand in the hall at the top of the stairs and listen to the sounds of the house. The unsyncronized ticking of the clocks, the hum of the heaters, the whistling wind and usually the rain dancing on the roof. Those are the moments I treasure. They are rare.
Maybe van Gogh had the right idea when he chopped of his ear. Sure it was because he was crazy, but I think there was some sense to it. Maybe he grew up in a family that yelled all the time too. Maybe he just got so sick of it that he took a knife to his ear. Or maybe it was just because he thought it would shut up the voices in his head.
I count the days until I can go back to the silence of my home. There it's only the sound of hammers, drills and saws. It's quiet there. Home is where my sanity is.

Inspire

2007-09-20T08:54:00.000-06:00

Inspire

1. to fill with an animating, quickening, or exalting influence: His courage inspired his followers.

2. to produce or arouse (a feeling, thought, etc.): to inspire confidence in others.

3. to fill or affect with a specified feeling, thought, etc.: to inspire a person with distrust.

4. to influence or impel: Competition inspired her to greater efforts.

5. to animate, as an influence, feeling, thought, or the like, does: They were inspired by a belief in a better future.

6. to communicate or suggest by a divine or supernatural influence: writings inspired by God.

7. to guide or control by divine influence.

8. to prompt or instigate (utterances, acts, etc.) by influence, without avowal of responsibility.

9. to give rise to, bring about, cause, etc.: a philosophy that inspired a revolution.

10. to take (air, gases, etc.) into the lungs in breathing; inhale.

11. Archaic.
a. to infuse (breath, life, etc.) by breathing (usually fol. by into).

b. to breathe into or upon.

–verb (used without object)

12. to give inspiration.

13. to inhale.

I have been inspired. What an inspiring idea. What was the inspiration? You inspire me. People that believe in me, inspire me. Places where I can publish my work inspire me. Clouds, ants, grass, flowers, horses, plowed fields, dreams, friends, family, music, books, speeches, babies, love, friendship, fun, sorrow, pain, anger, school, weekends, nature. Everything I see, everything I feel, everything I think. Sometimes I let them pass me by, good ideas gone to waste. And sometimes, I write. Thank you for believing in me, trusting me, and supporting me. You are my inspiration today. You are my inspiration always.

To be or not to be?

2007-09-19T16:58:00.000-06:00

"I prefer to be true to myself, even at the hazard of incurring the ridicule of others, rather than to be false, and incur my own abhorrence."
--Frederick Douglass

I found this quote as I was reading his book "A Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass" which I have to write a book report on. I've been thinking about it all day and how true this should be for all of us. I'm not sure if it's just me but I've had some difficulty finding out who I really am and who I'm going to be in the future. I'm just at that point in life, 20 years old and trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. I'm living in a different country surrounded by things that are totally alien to me and basically my life is turned upside down. I have no idea what to do.
My life has been spent hiding behind this mask of what I thought people wanted me to be. The only problem is, I've been back there so long I forgot what the real me looks like. How do you find who you really are? Does it just jump out from the background, put both hands on the sides of your face and tell you to open your eyes and look yourself in the face? Or has it been so trodden on that once you finally start looking for it and calling it's name, it has to wake up and reorient itself with it's surroundings before it starts to play Marco Polo with you? When you find who you really are, do you come out a little at a time like a chick hatching from an egg? Or do you just burst out like those people that hide in fake cakes and jump out of the top and surprise everyone?
Life is full of so many questions. Who am I? Where do I belong? What do I want to do with my life? Who are my true friends? Am I really what I think I am? Where am I?

I will rebel in my own way. I don't need you as an example. I won't follow your footsteps to darkness. I'll make my own where I want and when I want and how I want. No one can change my life except me, so stop trying. Me rebellion is my own.
Maybe I'll drink and maybe I won't. Maybe I'll eat and maybe I won't. Maybe I'll write and maybe I won't. Maybe I'll stop and maybe I won't. It doesn't matter what clothes I wear. It doesn't matter what I put on my skin. I don't care what you think when I walk by, I only care what I think when I look in the mirror, if I look int he mirror.
I will rebel in my own way. I don't need you as an example. I won't follow your footsteps to darkness. I'll make my own where I want and when I want and how I want. No one can change my life except me, so stop trying. My rebellion is my own.
Maybe I'll skate and maybe I won't. Maybe I'll play and maybe I won't. Maybe I'll live and maybe I won't. Maybe I'll laugh and maybe I won't. It doesn't matter what movies I watch. It doesn't matter where I work. I don't care if you don't ike the person I have become. If I am happy then that should be all that matters to anyone. It's my life and I will rebel in my own way. No one can change who I am.
I will rebel in my own way. I don't need you as an example. I won't follow your footsteps to darkness. I'll make my own where I want and when I want and how I want. No one can change my life except me, so stop trying. My rebellion is my own.

I've got to figure out who I am. Don't judge me. Don't ridicule me. Just be a friend. If you can't handle that, walk away. I need to do what's right for me, not for the rest of the world. It's time to take a moment for myself. Find out who the real me is. How I dress, talk, walk, do my hair, act. Everything.

My baby blog

2007-09-17T09:35:00.000-06:00

This is my first blog on a true blogging site. Isn't that good to know. I'm not sure exactly what to say though. My friend told me I should try doing this instead of sending emails because I can post pictures on this site as well and I've been having trouble sending pictures per email this week. Mainly because I can't find the right program on the computer to decrease the size of my pictures. Sometimes I forget how much German I really don't know.
So, that's it for now. Hopefully we'll get this site up and going soon but right now I have other things I need to do.