You would think after 7 months living with something that you would get used to it, but you don't. Or maybe it's that after a certain time you get used to it and then after a little bit of being used to it and tuning it out that it just becomes annoying, sometimes unbearably so. This thing that I speak of is yelling. I have lived 7 months with a family that yells almost constantly, whether it's because they're excited or mad or want attention or just because they can. It's only quiet when no one is around.
Those are the golden moments. Those are the moments when I just stand in the hall at the top of the stairs and listen to the sounds of the house. The unsyncronized ticking of the clocks, the hum of the heaters, the whistling wind and usually the rain dancing on the roof. Those are the moments I treasure. They are rare.
Maybe van Gogh had the right idea when he chopped of his ear. Sure it was because he was crazy, but I think there was some sense to it. Maybe he grew up in a family that yelled all the time too. Maybe he just got so sick of it that he took a knife to his ear. Or maybe it was just because he thought it would shut up the voices in his head.
I count the days until I can go back to the silence of my home. There it's only the sound of hammers, drills and saws. It's quiet there. Home is where my sanity is.
Friday, September 21, 2007
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Inspire
Inspire
1. to fill with an animating, quickening, or exalting influence: His courage inspired his followers.
2. to produce or arouse (a feeling, thought, etc.): to inspire confidence in others.
3. to fill or affect with a specified feeling, thought, etc.: to inspire a person with distrust.
4. to influence or impel: Competition inspired her to greater efforts.
5. to animate, as an influence, feeling, thought, or the like, does: They were inspired by a belief in a better future.
6. to communicate or suggest by a divine or supernatural influence: writings inspired by God.
7. to guide or control by divine influence.
8. to prompt or instigate (utterances, acts, etc.) by influence, without avowal of responsibility.
9. to give rise to, bring about, cause, etc.: a philosophy that inspired a revolution.
10. to take (air, gases, etc.) into the lungs in breathing; inhale.
11. Archaic.
a. to infuse (breath, life, etc.) by breathing (usually fol. by into).
b. to breathe into or upon.
–verb (used without object)
12. to give inspiration.
13. to inhale.
I have been inspired. What an inspiring idea. What was the inspiration? You inspire me. People that believe in me, inspire me. Places where I can publish my work inspire me. Clouds, ants, grass, flowers, horses, plowed fields, dreams, friends, family, music, books, speeches, babies, love, friendship, fun, sorrow, pain, anger, school, weekends, nature. Everything I see, everything I feel, everything I think. Sometimes I let them pass me by, good ideas gone to waste. And sometimes, I write. Thank you for believing in me, trusting me, and supporting me. You are my inspiration today. You are my inspiration always.
1. to fill with an animating, quickening, or exalting influence: His courage inspired his followers.
2. to produce or arouse (a feeling, thought, etc.): to inspire confidence in others.
3. to fill or affect with a specified feeling, thought, etc.: to inspire a person with distrust.
4. to influence or impel: Competition inspired her to greater efforts.
5. to animate, as an influence, feeling, thought, or the like, does: They were inspired by a belief in a better future.
6. to communicate or suggest by a divine or supernatural influence: writings inspired by God.
7. to guide or control by divine influence.
8. to prompt or instigate (utterances, acts, etc.) by influence, without avowal of responsibility.
9. to give rise to, bring about, cause, etc.: a philosophy that inspired a revolution.
10. to take (air, gases, etc.) into the lungs in breathing; inhale.
11. Archaic.
a. to infuse (breath, life, etc.) by breathing (usually fol. by into).
b. to breathe into or upon.
–verb (used without object)
12. to give inspiration.
13. to inhale.
I have been inspired. What an inspiring idea. What was the inspiration? You inspire me. People that believe in me, inspire me. Places where I can publish my work inspire me. Clouds, ants, grass, flowers, horses, plowed fields, dreams, friends, family, music, books, speeches, babies, love, friendship, fun, sorrow, pain, anger, school, weekends, nature. Everything I see, everything I feel, everything I think. Sometimes I let them pass me by, good ideas gone to waste. And sometimes, I write. Thank you for believing in me, trusting me, and supporting me. You are my inspiration today. You are my inspiration always.
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
To be or not to be?
"I prefer to be true to myself, even at the hazard of incurring the ridicule of others, rather than to be false, and incur my own abhorrence."
--Frederick Douglass
I found this quote as I was reading his book "A Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass" which I have to write a book report on. I've been thinking about it all day and how true this should be for all of us. I'm not sure if it's just me but I've had some difficulty finding out who I really am and who I'm going to be in the future. I'm just at that point in life, 20 years old and trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. I'm living in a different country surrounded by things that are totally alien to me and basically my life is turned upside down. I have no idea what to do.
My life has been spent hiding behind this mask of what I thought people wanted me to be. The only problem is, I've been back there so long I forgot what the real me looks like. How do you find who you really are? Does it just jump out from the background, put both hands on the sides of your face and tell you to open your eyes and look yourself in the face? Or has it been so trodden on that once you finally start looking for it and calling it's name, it has to wake up and reorient itself with it's surroundings before it starts to play Marco Polo with you? When you find who you really are, do you come out a little at a time like a chick hatching from an egg? Or do you just burst out like those people that hide in fake cakes and jump out of the top and surprise everyone?
Life is full of so many questions. Who am I? Where do I belong? What do I want to do with my life? Who are my true friends? Am I really what I think I am? Where am I?
I will rebel in my own way. I don't need you as an example. I won't follow your footsteps to darkness. I'll make my own where I want and when I want and how I want. No one can change my life except me, so stop trying. Me rebellion is my own.
Maybe I'll drink and maybe I won't. Maybe I'll eat and maybe I won't. Maybe I'll write and maybe I won't. Maybe I'll stop and maybe I won't. It doesn't matter what clothes I wear. It doesn't matter what I put on my skin. I don't care what you think when I walk by, I only care what I think when I look in the mirror, if I look int he mirror.
I will rebel in my own way. I don't need you as an example. I won't follow your footsteps to darkness. I'll make my own where I want and when I want and how I want. No one can change my life except me, so stop trying. My rebellion is my own.
Maybe I'll skate and maybe I won't. Maybe I'll play and maybe I won't. Maybe I'll live and maybe I won't. Maybe I'll laugh and maybe I won't. It doesn't matter what movies I watch. It doesn't matter where I work. I don't care if you don't ike the person I have become. If I am happy then that should be all that matters to anyone. It's my life and I will rebel in my own way. No one can change who I am.
I will rebel in my own way. I don't need you as an example. I won't follow your footsteps to darkness. I'll make my own where I want and when I want and how I want. No one can change my life except me, so stop trying. My rebellion is my own.
I've got to figure out who I am. Don't judge me. Don't ridicule me. Just be a friend. If you can't handle that, walk away. I need to do what's right for me, not for the rest of the world. It's time to take a moment for myself. Find out who the real me is. How I dress, talk, walk, do my hair, act. Everything.
--Frederick Douglass
I found this quote as I was reading his book "A Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass" which I have to write a book report on. I've been thinking about it all day and how true this should be for all of us. I'm not sure if it's just me but I've had some difficulty finding out who I really am and who I'm going to be in the future. I'm just at that point in life, 20 years old and trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. I'm living in a different country surrounded by things that are totally alien to me and basically my life is turned upside down. I have no idea what to do.
My life has been spent hiding behind this mask of what I thought people wanted me to be. The only problem is, I've been back there so long I forgot what the real me looks like. How do you find who you really are? Does it just jump out from the background, put both hands on the sides of your face and tell you to open your eyes and look yourself in the face? Or has it been so trodden on that once you finally start looking for it and calling it's name, it has to wake up and reorient itself with it's surroundings before it starts to play Marco Polo with you? When you find who you really are, do you come out a little at a time like a chick hatching from an egg? Or do you just burst out like those people that hide in fake cakes and jump out of the top and surprise everyone?
Life is full of so many questions. Who am I? Where do I belong? What do I want to do with my life? Who are my true friends? Am I really what I think I am? Where am I?
I will rebel in my own way. I don't need you as an example. I won't follow your footsteps to darkness. I'll make my own where I want and when I want and how I want. No one can change my life except me, so stop trying. Me rebellion is my own.
Maybe I'll drink and maybe I won't. Maybe I'll eat and maybe I won't. Maybe I'll write and maybe I won't. Maybe I'll stop and maybe I won't. It doesn't matter what clothes I wear. It doesn't matter what I put on my skin. I don't care what you think when I walk by, I only care what I think when I look in the mirror, if I look int he mirror.
I will rebel in my own way. I don't need you as an example. I won't follow your footsteps to darkness. I'll make my own where I want and when I want and how I want. No one can change my life except me, so stop trying. My rebellion is my own.
Maybe I'll skate and maybe I won't. Maybe I'll play and maybe I won't. Maybe I'll live and maybe I won't. Maybe I'll laugh and maybe I won't. It doesn't matter what movies I watch. It doesn't matter where I work. I don't care if you don't ike the person I have become. If I am happy then that should be all that matters to anyone. It's my life and I will rebel in my own way. No one can change who I am.
I will rebel in my own way. I don't need you as an example. I won't follow your footsteps to darkness. I'll make my own where I want and when I want and how I want. No one can change my life except me, so stop trying. My rebellion is my own.
I've got to figure out who I am. Don't judge me. Don't ridicule me. Just be a friend. If you can't handle that, walk away. I need to do what's right for me, not for the rest of the world. It's time to take a moment for myself. Find out who the real me is. How I dress, talk, walk, do my hair, act. Everything.
Monday, September 17, 2007
My baby blog
This is my first blog on a true blogging site. Isn't that good to know. I'm not sure exactly what to say though. My friend told me I should try doing this instead of sending emails because I can post pictures on this site as well and I've been having trouble sending pictures per email this week. Mainly because I can't find the right program on the computer to decrease the size of my pictures. Sometimes I forget how much German I really don't know.
So, that's it for now. Hopefully we'll get this site up and going soon but right now I have other things I need to do.
So, that's it for now. Hopefully we'll get this site up and going soon but right now I have other things I need to do.
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